|Zoe and her "babies"|
The other "dry eyes" is that I have not cried very much in the past week. Just three times, two over Max ...which I think is normal, and once when I went to the mental health place on Thursday, not so normal. As I went in the caseworker's office I saw her desk. It is the exact same office desk my old boss at the library had. Blond wood of some kind, L-shaped...not "looked sort of like it" but the exact same desk. For 20 years I spent time at that desk...leaving messages, using his phone to call my kids, looking on it for things my boss had lost and needed right that minute. Had a cry over seeing that desk. Maybe that is not so abnormal ...I loved that job and my therapist used to tell me grief is just not for dead people and pets, but for things no longer a part of our lives, like jobs. My grieving over it has toned way down because of the time I get to spend with my granddaughter. Considering In November I was crying buckets over sad commercials (appeals for donations of coats for children without; Hallmark commercials, ASPCA commercials), Christmas carols, the thought of holidays coming, crying over anything that remotely evoked emotion of any kind in me I guess I can say I am doing much better. Depression and anxiety are still too present though. In two weeks I go back and I know my psychiatrist will increase my meds so I can cope even better. Some day I am going to be able to have a part time job. Lots of folks won't take antidepressants and I have no beef with them. We each have to decide what is best for us. When I quit taking them in the fall I was so in hopes that I could do without them but it was soon too painfully aware that I am not one of those folks that can do that.
Weather man is on and he just said 2 inches of snow for tomorrow. I guess we will have more mold but that is okay! In the morning I am going to go out and scatter some fescue grass seed and see if maybe I can get it to come up.