Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I Apologize If You Got a Nonsensical Text From Me!

LOL!!!!  It is too bad my mind does not work well when I have not had much sleep!  I am sitting here....just me and my dogs ... laughing out loud at myself!  This afternoon my son just showed me a text I sent him today and when I read it I laughed at myself until tears came!  Let me back up ... I am seriously sleep deprived.  I can not sleep well when the wind is blowing like a hurricane, and it has blown like a hurricane for a good five days now.  Studies show that high wind DOES have an effect on your brain and your mood.  It sure does me.  Add that to the fact that I have suffered with insomnia for a couple of years and am constantly fatigued from the effects of depression and you have one tired woman.  Last night I laid in my very comfy bed, in a dark room, good room temperature, my dogs with me for comfort and for a burgler alarm, and I just laid there.  Laid there. Laid there.  11 p.m.  midnight.  At about 12:40 a.m. I thought of something so I texted my daughter since if she is asleep a text will not wake her up.  one a.m. two a.m.  2:30 a.m. same daughter calls me.  She can't sleep either.  3 a.m. Some time after 4 a.m. -- I am guessing after 4:30 a.m. I finally fell asleep.  When the alarm went off at 6:30 a.m. I turned it off, two alarms in fact and went back to sleep.  I don't remember a thing.  At 7:30 a.m. I woke up suddenly and realized what I had done.  I am suppose to be across the city at my son's home to babysit between 7:00 and 7:15 a.m. so they can leave and get to work on time.   Takes me a good 20 minutes to drive it. Went into panic mode, threw on clothes and drove to my son's home.  Taylor kept me awake because she and I stay busy playing but I sure was hoping she would be ready for her morning nap early.  When she takes a nap I take a nap too.  I always put a blanket on the floor right next to her crib and sleep next to her since with my hearing impairment I would not hear her wake up if I were in another room.  When she wakes up she yells and wakes me up.  If that does not do the trick she throws her empty bottle,  her doll, or a stuffed animal at me and that for sure wakes me up!   Our routine is have breakfast, play, have a bath, play, watch some Sesame Street in there, read some books, and when she is ready for her nap she does the sign language for sleep and says night-night and we go off for a nap. Usually by 10 a.m. she is ready to go to sleep.  This morning I was soooo anxious for her to take that nap ...3 hours of sleep last night just did not do it for me .... I was just so tired I could not think.  I texted my sister, daughter and youngest son to tell them don't call or text and wake her up.  She wakes up at the slightest sound, and once she wakes up she has been supercharged and nap time is over.  I mean for a good hour I had been praying Please Lord, don't let anything happen to wake her up before she and I get that 45 minutes of sleep because I really, really need it.  Did I turn my cell phone off?  Why, noooooo.  Did I take it out of my jeans pocket?  noooo  All I could think was text everyone who might call or text and tell them not too!  Even though every other morning when we go to lay down I turn my cell to vibrate without even thinking about it.   LOL!!!  Never crossed my mind to turn it to vibrate today.  I was just in zombie mode!   When I got her to get in her crib I was laying in the floor next to it sending one of those don't call texts and before I could push "send" my daughter called. Up popped my granddaughter.  I just about cried.  Got her down again. A friend texted.  Did I have my phone on vibrate? noooooo Did Taylor hear that little beep? Yessssss  Did I about cry?  surrrre  Miraculously I got her to try for a nap a third time.  That is when I texted my son a completely gibberish text.  We had made plans last night for him to come over and visit today and I didn't want him to call, text or come over until we got that dadgum nap!!!!   We didn't get much of a nap because of someone coming to the door and another text so I finally gave up and let Trey know it was ok for him to come on over.  When he got there he said let me show you this text you sent me.  About 6 lines that made absolutely no sense, especially since none of it actually contained a real word or even a close-to-making-sense abbreviation!  He said, when he got the text, he thought to himself either Mother is really really tired or she has finally taken up drinking!   ROFLOL!   I am so tired that just REALLY cracked me up!   He stayed about 3 hours with us until Casey got out of school and came to babysit.  Tish, I knew for sure you could relate! :) I am off for another nap now. 

Tuesday, February 28, 2012


       Aaarrggghhhhhh!!!!!  In an important part of the story, ABC news broke into Body of Proof to say "it looks like Romney won in his home state." Really?!?!!  I want to see my show!!!  I can hear about politics in 45 minutes when the news comes on!
       I am so sick of the wind.  It has blown with winds 40-56 mph with gusts into the 60's just allllll dayyy longgg.  Blew my lawn chairs and dog house across the yard.  Good thing I have a fence. Blew the padlocked doors off my garden shed.  They are laying in another part of my yard, still padlocked together.  Some things from my neighbor's yard blew into mine over the 6 ft fence.  Lots of branches from their trees have blown in my yard as well.  Horrible noise. Something hit my house ... actually, several times I heard things hit my house, and one of them woke me from my nap.  (Ha Ha --- I am adding this later while the weather is on --- the weatherman just said we all need to go to Oklahoma City and see if we can find all of our stuff that got blown out of our yards today.  He also said the wind topped out at 64 mph)
       I started reading a book today.  I was so excited because I love series and I was able to get all three in the series so I was all set to sit down and read all three of them over the next day or two.  That is my preferred method to read series, one right after another, immediately.  Not one here, then another one next year when it comes out.  Welll....another aarrgghhhh!  (yes, I know, I have truly serious problems...not)  As soon as I opened the first one I realized it was a book I had tried to read at some earlier time ... and I did not like.  I thought maybe I was in a bad mood when I tried reading it the first time so I thought I would give it a couple of chapters to see what I thought this time.  I don't like ugly language.    After I read a couple of chapters I knew I didn't want to read it so I put it down and took a nap.  The funny thing is that the story in the book takes place in England.  Written with alot of British slang, terms, etc.  When I was sleeping the wind woke me up, but I woke up kinda slowly ... you know, still dreaming but waking up.  The dream and the noise of the ferocious wind blending, and as I woke I realized I was still dreaming and it had nothing to do with the book but I was dreaming with a British accent.  LOL! I don't believe I have ever done that before.  That was weird.
    Jan Berenstain passed away Friday.  She, along with her husband Stan, and her son Mike, wrote 330 children's books.  If I had a nickel for every time I shelved a Berestain Bear book in my 20 year library career I would be in high cotton!  Kids have loved their books since 1962.
       The dried onion soup chicken & rice recipe I posted yesterday?  My daughter made it last night and brought leftovers for me and my granddaughter (her niece) to have for lunch today.  Taylor is 15 months old and never had anything but baby food until December.  Oh my goodness, she loved that chicken & rice! I realize that recipe with all the soup may have a lot of sodium ... I will have to check but I was happy to find something she really enjoyed.  Actually, the only thing so far of "people food" (rather than baby food) that she has not liked is fried okra.
    Here is another cheap comfort food recipe of sorts that I made tonight. really will be full of sodium since it involves Ramen Noodles (which I love). My sister reminded me of it last week...she loves it too, and I made it then for the first time in years since my kids were not a big fan.  I don't know why, I think it is delicious.   I ate it like there would be no tomorrow, even if it was beef.  I am having a hard time making myself eat beef or chicken lately.  Anyway I made another batch tonight..... I did not look up the exact recipe either time so possibly my sister will leave a comment and share how she makes hers if this is not close.
Ramen Noodle Beef
  • Brown some hamburger --- a pound or so, with diced onion, & pepper. Drain. 
  • In another pan saute sliced zuchinni ... I'd say 2 or 3, in oleo until almost tender. 
  • Steam or microwave a big bag of frozen stir fry veggies, or broccoli & cauliflower. 
  •  To the hamburger add 6 cups of water and bring to a boil.
  • To the hamburger & water mixture add 3 packages of Oriental flavor Ramen Noodles with the seasoning. Cook 3 minutes or until the noodles look done.  
  • Add the cooked veggies and mix well with the hamburger mixture.   
It makes alot but it is good left over.   What do you like to make that is inexpensive?

and a photo of my granddaughter just because she turned 15 months old on Sunday. 

Monday, February 27, 2012

I Live Vicariously....

My sister and her family went to Lamy and Santa Fe, NM this weekend.  I love the color of the sky. I love the chili's hanging at the doorway.  I love the adobe.  I would love to see inside.  Vigas I bet! I wonder what the bushes are on either side of the entryway.   I am pretty sure I would be real happy living here.  

I am positive that I would be totally happy living in this house below....look at that porch! (I am swooning!)  Well, it is hard to see but it has a wrap around porch.

 I can see the photos, my sister said she can't when she opened my blog.  Can you see them?

What's For Dinner?

      Not much is as scary as wildfire and this time last year we were having wildfires left and right... From today's Amarillo newspaper...."Last year started with fires ravaging Mesilla Park, Palisades and Lake Tanglewood on Feb. 27, charring 25,500 acres and destroying 70 homes. The year ended with more than 85,000 acres blackened in Potter and Randall counties and 83 homes consumed by wildfire. The local cost of fighting all that fire was about $1.1 million."  The three areas mentioned are very small communities, just outside of Amarillo. Lake Tanglewood is probably the farthest from city limits, about 11 miles.   I have already blogged about the kennel that burned last year.  The kennel is rebuilding right now.  Some of those poor people who lost everything they owned when the 83 homes burned have rebuilt in the same places.  The newspaper and local news have been reminding us to be prepared and to be careful as this is the time of year when we have such high winds and everything is dry.    I have blogged about 72 hour kits for humans and for pets and I hope everyone has one.  You just never know.  You guys stay safe.
     For dinner tonight I made a cheap comfort food recipe....and it just takes one pan
Tomatoes and Macaroni
  • In a large dutch oven cook a box of Barilla Bow Tie Pasta (or shells, noodles, whatever shape you like)according to pkg directions, drain.
  • In that same pot saute a cup or more of diced onion in oleo until onions are translucent
  • Add one 28 oz can of diced tomatoes with juice, heat until boiling.Add the cooked pasta 
  • stir until pasta is blended with tomatoes and heated.  Sprinkle with pepper. 
My daughter just called me for another recipe we really like and it too is fairly inexpensive considering the number of servings it makes.  I could eat the entire pan...  I got the recipe from my mom or sister I think and I don't know where they got it.  I don't know what it is called so for 40 years or so I have called it
Dried Onion Soup Chicken
In a large dutch oven mix and warm just until heated & well blended:
  • 2 cups of Minute Rice, dry not prepared
  • Cream of Celery Soup
  • Cream of Mushroom Soup
  • 2 soup cans of water
  • 1 pkg of Dried Onion Soup Mix
  • pour into a 9 x 11 inch casserole dish sprayed with nonstick spray
  • lay salt & peppered boneless, skinless chicken breasts on top
  • melt 1 stick of oleo and pour over chicken pieces
  • bake at 350 degrees until chicken is done.  I can't tell you how long because what I have written down is one hour but that was for using whole pieces of chicken with bones and I much prefer the boneless, skinless chicken breasts.

Please don't hurt

What? Did I REALLY Hear Him Say That???

I am not highly educated or super intelligent but as someone who struggled to go to college while working full time, and the parent of adults who did or are doing the same (trying to work and support themselves while going to college) I have always felt we ... the United States .... would not be lagging behind other countries so much if college was more easily obtainable if not downright free.  College has to be cheaper than prison and in my naive little world I think if more people were educated less people would end end up as criminals, or receiving public assistance of some kind.  And yes, alot of college degreed people are criminals or receive public asstance for some reason --- let's don't go there right now.   Probably from an outside observer it might look like I do not value education since I do not have a degree and only one of my children has one of any kind, so far.  Don't write them off yet, though.  We have done the best with the challenges we have.  I DO value education.  If I had had a different chance, different advice, made different choices I would have loved to have gone to college straight out of high school.  Anyway, I was stunned when I saw this politician's remarks on a youtube video posted on another blog and then just now saw it on CBS Nightly News.  Here it takes just moments to watch this so turn your sound on ........
I can't believe I heard that, and I can't believe those people applauded.

Good Weekend!

        I had such a nice weekend.  I had cookies, chocolate chip cookies!  I know, it doesn't take much to make me happy.  :) Pinterest has just driven me crazy with photos of desserts.  I want them all!   When my kids were home I tried to have a well balanced, home cooked dinner and a dessert every night.  Yes, too much dessert, but none of us is obese so I guess it wasn't too bad.  After the kids grew up I quit making desserts because with just me at home it was up to me to eat the whole thing, which I gladly did.  It is just easier to not have those kinds of things in the house than resist the temptation to just chow down. Anyway, my grandsons spent an afternoon with me so we had chocolate chip cookies. Not exactly home baked, unless you count taking them out of the package and putting the pre-made squares on the cookie sheet and baking, but they were sooooooo good.   My grandson's 10th birthday is next week so my youngest daughter,Casey, grandsons Mason, Travis and I went shopping this weekend.  I told Travis with the price of gas and everything else I can't afford to go into town shopping more than once this week so I would let him pick out what he really wanted.  Travis wanted an easel, paints and art paper.  I told him I could not afford an easel, even with my coupon from Michael's, but we would look.  I was pleasantly surprised to find a little one suitable for him for under $10.  It thrills my heart that he wants to paint.  My younger son, Trey, and I taught ourselves to paint .... somewhat .... by reading library books of course .... oh, about 15 years ago.  We used watercolors and enjoyed it so much.  Trey was a pretty decent artist.  I have always loved to draw and later paint but life got so busy I just put it away and haven't done either in a very long time.  Thus, I am delight to see Travis is interested in art as well.  I let Travis set up his paper and easel, open his tempera paints and paint to his heart's content, then we packaged it all back up so I could put it in a recycled gift bag for him to open at his birthday.  (thank you for my birthday bag, Linda---it was the perfect size)  LOL!   That is just the way I roll!  Life is short....what if I get run over by a bus this week and missed out on the painting that is now on my fridge?!?!?   My grandsons and I then got on the computer and looked at all of the things I had repinned on Pinterest to my board "Things to Do With My Grandkids."  We picked out a few crafts to do next weekend.  They will be spending Friday night with me so on my way home from babysitting sometime this week I have to stop at Dollar Tree for a couple of things I don't have on hand. That makes me happy to do crafts with them.   
     I read a couple of cozy mysteries and I just love them.  Not so deep that my depression fogged mind can't handle.  I love reading. 
     I played around on Pinterest alot.  I can't explain my enjoyment with Pinterest.  It just relaxes me so much, I truly enjoy looking at everyone's boards.  Am I ever going to do those crafts? The adult ones, probably not but it doesn't hurt to think maybe someday.  The kid ones? I will probably do every single one I have pinned with Mason, Travis or Taylor eventually.  The quilts I have pinned? I would be making a quilt right now except it is a horribly expensive hobby, so, no, I am pretty sure that won't ever happen.  Do I love looking at those quilted pieces of art? You bet.  My garden board? My yard will never, ever look like those.  I live in a drought ridden, windblown area and the water it would take to make it green would just cost too much, but I can dream! :)  I have a board called "Every house should have a porch."  It gets repinned often.  I am soooo lucky to have this cheap single wide trailer I live in that came with two metal and wood sets of steps... literally 3 steps at the door and the likelihood of me ever living anywhere else is nil.  Having one of the porches from my board? Never gonna happen but I would love a porch, I dream of a porch, I have just a sliver of a glimmer of hope.   I think that is what Pinterest is. It just comes down to hope ... and without hope things are pretty bleak.  Do I hope someday to have a beautiful yard? Yes.  I mean, alot of people here DO have beautiful yards. I just enjoy looking a beautiful things, even if I know I can't have them.   
       This weekend I enjoyed exchanging a few emails with a friend I used to work with at the library.  It was good to hear from her and I enjoyed her catching me up on her life since we last emailed maybe two weeks ago.  On a friend's blog I got into a discussion on social media.   I grew up back in the olden days when we wrote letters, stuffed them in an envelope and stuck it in the mailbox.   I love hand written letters but email is so nice in that it is instant, or close.  During my teenage years I spent hours on the phone and then up until about 15 years ago I used to get on the phone with a girlfriend after her husband went to bed and we could talk for 2 or 3 hours easily, but I can't hear well enough on the phone anymore.  Anyway, the point is, having grown up with written letters my main social contact, and then email for over 50 years it is not weird to me to consider that as "visiting with friends" and just as valuable to me as seeing them in person.  Actually for me, more valuable.  I HATE to go to restaurants with people because of my hearing impairment (well, there is also that can't afford a restaurant thing).  With the background noise there is no way in heck I can understand what anyone is saying, even when I wore hearing aides.  Add music and it is truly impossible.  It is just a frustration with a capital F.  If you read lips that means that they have to be facing you, preferably without food in their mouth, for you to understand.  If you have 3 or more people around the table they can't all be looking right at you when they answer someone else.  It is just soooo frustrating I will not do it if at all possible.  I would love to go to a movie if I could afford it but without captioning it is a waste of my time and another frustrating experience.  Plays? I used to love to go to plays at the college here.  A couple of times I was able to see a play at the Amarillo Little Theater and I absolutely loved it but again, now, with my hearing impairment it would not a fun evening.  Sitting in some one's living room visiting?  The only way I can keep up is if someone sits next to me and every time someone says something the person next to me faces me and tells me what they said.  I do with my family but other than that, I would really rather just be home, reading an email, instant messaging or a blog.  It just works for me (and I can wear my pj's).  Driving around going somewhere? I can not understand the people in the back seat if I am in the fron,t and talking to the driver?-- not good since I need them to face me.  I'm happy with email  but I guess I am weird.  The discussion I had with a person on a blog..... was this person stressing the importance of real, live, in-your-presence-friends vs social media friends.  She had many good points.  We also touched briefly on the age of friends, kinda.  LOL! I am 58  but at work and at church I enjoyed people of all ages and it never crossed my mind that I might be old enough to be their mother, or gasp, grandma maybe.  My friends from the library, my co-workers and the ones I laughed til I cried with almost daily, my partners in crime there, truly my friends, were almost always somewhere between 10 and 30 years younger than me.  There were several closer to my age, and some older than me, that I just treasured but we were all friends.  We had a really good time together and some of them still email me and keep me posted on their lives, whether they have young children or empty nests.  One of my closest buddies at the last branch I worked at had her first baby the year I retired.  She is the one who has invited me to get together most often.  I found nothing weird about the fact that we considered, and still do, each other friends.  Once you are an adult I just see everyone as "adult."  Once at church in a women's group .... I was about 38 and this other woman was probably 58 ... this woman said the truth is everyone once they hit about 35 mentally feel that age the rest of their life.  Physically they don't but mentally they do.  As I have aged I have thought about her saying that and for me it is true. 
        OK, a poll ....
1)  how often do you see friends in person, outside of work, in a week? 
2)  Do you have friends that you enjoy visiting with that are much younger or much older than you? 
3)  Which do you do more of in a friends, talk to them on the phone, or see socially?  
4)  If you had an errand to run, not an emergency but something you needed to do, in the middle of a weekday how many people could you call to ask for a ride, and get a "yes they could help", if you didn't have transportation?
        Okay, that is my rambling on and on for the evening.  I apologize for going on and on and on and on.  Please leave a comment of some kind or the other and everybody have a good week! :)
and my responce to the poll is:   1) other than family, zero usually    2)yes   3)email   4) other than family, zero
Oh, and according to my counter, typically 35 or so people will read this blog in the next 24 hours.  I suspect at most 3 people will respond to my poll so ... please, prove me wrong!!!!!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Be Fearless

The phrase "Do not be afraid" is written 365 times in the Bible.  That is a daily reminder from God to live every day fearless.
   I don't know who said it so I can not give credit where credit is due (I just saw it on Pinterest). 

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Real Heroes

   Someone left a comment on my last post about who the real heroes are, and I agree.  When I worked in the children's dept. at my library I would get so saddened when kids came in for a book on their "hero." Here where I live it is a yearly thing for teachers, 4th grade or so, to assign a project....dress up like your favorite hero and bring a book about that person to class.  Kids would come in, tell me what they needed and why, then ask for a book about the most current sports person, musician, fake wrestler.  It really saddened me.  True heroes are soldiers who protect our freedom, fire fighters who run into burning buildings to save a life, police officers who protect our safety, nurses who see us at our very worst and still treat us kindly, EMTs who arrive at wrecks and do everything they can to preserve lives under terrible circumstances.

Mumbling About What I Saw On TV

       On our local nightly news tonight it was reported that a teacher here had been arrested for selling drugs to an undercover cop.  A few months ago, a local teacher was arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a group of teenage boys.    I live in a fairly small city, in Texas, in the belt buckle of the Bible belt, for Pete's sake (no, I have no idea who Pete is...that is just what we say here, sometimes.)  I am just stunned.  I realize I am an old fogey, and it has been 4 decades since I last toodled down the halls of my high school but for the life of me, I can not imagine even one teacher in the school system I attended that would even consider doing such things with students, or selling drugs to anyone.....or doing anything that might harm a student.  I may just be hopelessly naive but when I think back on my teachers I just see goodness.  I wonder what the world is going to be like for my grandchildren in a decade or two.
        On ET or Insider Edition, or one of those type shows that comes on right after the 5 p.m. news where I live, the person was touring the home of Vera Wang......who is worth approximately 100 gazillion million dollars, or there about.   After we saw the beautiful home, the young woman on ET or whatever, said to her co-host something like "and Vera Wang's home was so immaculate....not a piece of mail anywhere or dust on anything."  Well, if I had 100 gazillion million dollars I suspect I would have my mail sent to some manager instead of it stacked on the counter waiting for me to figure out which bill gets lucky enough to be paid this week, and I would have a maid to keep the dust under control. Really?? This was you comment?  I'm going to read a book now.
       As you know, unless you have been under a rock somewhere for the past week or so, Whitney Houston passed from this life. Someone, evidently a family member or friend, took a photo of her in her casket and sold it to the National Enquirer....because, I guess, enquiring minds want to know, and her dignity was worth some dollar amount to a friend.  I have very rigid opinions about someone who would do that....1) take a photo of a corpse first of all (shouldn't one get permission from an adult before one takes their photo in most circumstances...well, she could not give you her permission) and 2) for then selling that photo.  That is bad enough, but now every person, and their kids, who has to go to the grocery store or Walmart this week is going to see that corpse.  I don't want to see it but I know I will because it is a lot like a train wreck....hard not to at least glance, especially when it is on a gossip rag cover 3 feet in front of you as you are wedged in the checkout line waiting your turn.  Besides, I have already seen it on my TV screen before I knew it was going to be the next shot or had a chance to turn it off. 
       Another thing I saw on tv this week when I would have turned it off had I known what was coming up was ... in my view, just horrible.  Before the early evening news a commercial ran ... and has been running but now I know to turn it off.... some politician who is against abortions and feels the need to show us multiple aborted fetuses.  Here I was watching Jeopardy! one minute and then next horrified at the fetuses on the screen.  I am really glad I didn't have my grandsons with me to see that. 
        This has nothing to do with what I saw on TV this week, just seeing that photo of Ms. Houston in her coffin on tv made me think....just so you know, you are not invited to my funeral or to take photos. I have told my kids there will be no funeral.  I do not want anyone taking a photo of my corpse, looking at my corpse, or anything else.  I don't want my kids to spent $15,000 on an expensive coffin, vault, & funeral when I know I will already be gone and I won't appreciate that satin lined coffin.    Currently for $1,000 I can be cremated, which I want done and then instead of spending money on a funeral I want my four kids to go to the mountains in New Mexico, or to the Durango, Colorado area for the weekend, have a wonderful time with each other and their families, tell every funny story they can think of about me, consider that closure and then  just dump my ashes out somewhere in the mountains.  I already have a little wooden box they can put the ashes in and they know where it is.  LOL! It is a box that was on my boss's desk for 20 years.  All during my children's childhood they would come to the library and he or I would take them into his office and let them get a miniature candy bar out of that box.  When he gave it to me when I retired I told my kids I wanted it to be used for my ashes and one of my sons (an adult even) said "what if you still have candy in it???"  He wasn't alarmed that I would be dead, just concerned about any remaining candy, I guess.  I told him well then divide the candy bars up and y'all eat them first.  I imagine I will know I am about to kick the bucket and eat all the candy bars that may be in there before I leave anyway.  But back to my non-funeral.  I want them to play some card games and dominoes for me and everyone have a Dr Pepper, a big bowl of ice cream and some chocolate covered graham crackers and call it good.
     my computer's battery is bye, and tell me how you feel about seeing those things

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

One of My Favorite Things to Photograph

Is it me, or is there a lot of static in the air?

Grandma, am I going to have to take that camera away from you?


Does this barrette match my shirt?

Grandma likes to read Very Hungry Caterpillar and Good Night
Moon to me but what I really want to read is this article
on cowboys & ranch management in Montana

I tell ya, Grandma just wears me out.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Shivering is Over!

I haven't been able to get my intake of protein up to 70 grams a day, and probably never will but I have increased it by a lot.  More than I have ever eaten in my life and the freezing cold, miserable shivering, goosebump thing is over!  I have also been taking the B-50 vitamins my Dr said would give me energy but that hasn't happened yet.  Probably because my depression has been so bad and depression causes severe fatigue.  Doubling the antidepressant seemed to make it worse not better. Hmmm, or without the increased antidepressant maybe I would have really been in the toilet.  Come to think of it January and February two years ago is when I got really, seriously bad before finally going to the hospital so maybe I am actually doing ok. Does that make sense? I'm really bad depressionwise but not as bad as I have been in Jan & Feb?  I hope I am never as bad as I was that year.

Today's Post is Sponsored by the Letter S

If you recognize that phrase in my post title you too watch Sesame Street on a regular basis! :)  The letter S today means sinuses, stress, silly, sugar, sunshine, spring, sewing, storm.
     Just watched Dr Oz---I love that guy!  This weekend I had a sinus headache that just wouldn't quit so my ears perked up when Dr Oz mentioned this method of helping sinus problems...   Dr Oz says hum for an hour a day. Doesn't cost you anything and has no bad side effects.
    I am just stressed out, but that is the story of my life. No point into going into why....mostly the lack of money and the ever raising cost of living. Between Disability check and my little retirement my income is equal to living on minimum wage and I am sure everyone who lives on minimum wage is stressed in this economy. SS Disability check did go up $39 starting in January and that is a blessing, will almost pay my water bill.  I just refinanced my house to lower my interest rate so that will help so there is light at the end of the tunnel.
   My silly dogs! I do not know what I would do without them!! I miss my Max Schnauzer terribly...he was my constant companion for 11 years and had a personality that was just awesome.  Gee, I loved that dog.  He was more human than dog.  Zoe and Gracie are good dogs, just not like Max.  They do make me laugh though.  I had $23 in my checking account this weekend to last through the end of the month and I should have saved it for groceries but I spent $10 of it on the girls (my dogs) and it was money well spent.  My daughter needed to go to PetSmart for a new leash.  She lives in an apartment thus has to walk her dog and his old leash broke.  I went with her and while she was looking at leashes on one side of the aisle I looked at dog collars on the opposite side.  They had $11.99 collars on sale for $5.  Zoe has grown so much she really needed a collar.  Gracie is just little and will always wear a size small but her old collar was kinda ratty so I bought them each a collar.  These silly dogs!  When they get new collars they act like kids at Christmas!  New collars = excitement personified!  They love doggie toys but they don't react nearly so much to new toys as they do new collars!  I don't know what they think! It starts the second they see new collars come out of the shopping bag.  They jump and bark and dance around. They actually get big doggie smiles on their faces. When I take their old collars off and put the new ones on they prance around, bark, smile like LOOK at me and my new clothes!  They are just goofy children.  Actually I call their collars "clothes" in when I give them a bath & dry them as much as they will let me I get their collars and tell them "let's put your clothes back on, you look naked!" and they want them on and make sure the other dog is getting hers too.   Too funny!  It was worth the $10 to laugh as much as I did at them. 
   I don't know what is up but I am craving sugar like I can not believe.  I hardly ever have cake or pie in the house....I can't even remember when I have had a cake, other than birthdays, since last summer when I made strawberry shortcake real often.  I didn't even make pies at Thanksgiving, I sure don't remember when I last made a pie.   Breads? Pumpkin bread, banana bread, cinnamon loaf bread...I doubt I have made one since D-B day (depression-break down).  Suddenly, I want pie, cake, sweet breads, cinnamon rolls, brownies --- something with SUGAR that you have to chew!!  You know what it is?! I just figured it out --- Pinterest!  I am addicted to Pinterest and while I seldom repin any recipes I see all of those photos of desserts.
   The black cloud of depression has been looming over me for the past few weeks.  I know what I need is some exercise and some sunshine.  I love being out in the sun and it has been a long time since I have been outside.  Today we have sustained winds of 25 to 30 mph with gusts up to 60 mph.  Too windy for me to be outside.  Between the cold temps and wind I haven't been on a walk outside since I am guessing October.  I need a walk and I need some sunshine. There may have been times I could have taken a walk early in the mornings before the wind gets up but I have been so depressed for months I just want to stay in bed. I remember last summer spending 3 or 4 hours easily out in the sun and that is what I need. Sunshine and fresh air and no wind.
   I am just sick over my yard.  It is just dirt.  When I put the trailer house here I had the back yard sodded and the cost of fescue sod in the house loan.  It was absolutely beautiful until the drought and horrible heat we had last year...which was the worst year since they started keeping records.   I just hope my crepe myrtles and lilacs survived and am anxious for spring to see what comes to life.  Spring is typically our windiest time of the year so I dread that but I just love to plant things and see flowers bloom.  This year I just can't afford to spend much on bedding plants and nothing on grass but I am going to fix just one flower bed and concentrate on that bed plus try to get my morning glories to live this year.  The first summer here my chain link fence was covered in Heavenly Blue morning glories and made me so happy.  Last year I planted about 300 seeds in dixie cups in the house and then transplanted outside.  The months of 100 degree weather eventually killed every single one of them.  It was so heartbreaking.  I need color and flowers.  And I need to plant something.  Just wish it could be a yard full of grass. sigh.
     I used to sew 30 or 40 years ago ... dang, I am old ... and I wish I still had my sewing machine.  I want to make some bigger bibs for Taylor.  She is 15 months and those baby bibs of hers just don't cover enough.  Pinterest...I'm blaming you for the urges to eat sugar and sew! :)
   News just came on and a dust storm from the high winds caused zero visibility on a highway near us just a little bit ago. 5 tractor-trailer rigs and multiple cars wrecked.  So far in the short 2012 we have had bad wrecks from visibility problems due to dense fog, wildfire smoke, snow, and now dust.  I think we have it about covered.
  Now I need to get up and get my hands in some dish soap, clean up the kitchen and I think I will go to the store and get ingredients to make Taco Casserole.  I think everyone in the world makes this but if you don't it is an easy casserole to throw together and is my kind of comfort food.  Serve with salad, guacamole & chips
Taco Casserole (which I guess should be called Enchilada casserole but taco is what we have always called it)
1 lb or so of ground beef
1 can Old El Paso Red Mild Enchilada Sauce
1 onion, diced
1 can chopped green chilies
1 dozen corn tortillas
salt & pepper
1/2 t. garlic powder
1 can pinto beans
1 cup milk
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can cream of chicken soup  (truthfully, if I have soup I add it, sometimes I leave it & milk out, sometimes it is 1 can of mushroom and zero chicken)
lots of grated cheddar cheese
  1.   In a large dutch oven brown the salt & peppered ground beef, drain.  (Pinterest tip...line a cup with foil, put your drippings in there, let it get cold and solid, then wad up foil and toss)
  2. Add onion & garlic to beef and saute til onions are transparent.  Add green chilies, enchilada sauce, soups, milk and beans.  Heat and stir until well blended.  In a casserole dish sprayed with non-stick spray layer: tortillas, meat mixture, lots of cheese. Repeat layers.  Bake at 350 for 15 or 20 minutes until cheese is bubbly.
If I have the ingredients I make this corn side dish ..
Indian Corn
In a saucepan saute 1/2 cup diced onion and 1 zucchini, peeled and diced, in some butter or oleo until zucchini is tender, stirring often.  Add 1 can cream style WHITE shoe peg corn, and 1 can WHITE whole kernel shoe peg corn, drained . Add salt and pepper, heat until corn is hot and serve.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

I Wish I Had Been Born Into a Family Like This

my son telling his family bye as he leaves for work
(and yes, I do always have my camera with me and within reach,
 just waiting for a "Kokak moment." )
I am proud of my son.  Since I babysit his daughter I am in their home 4 mornings a week.  I get there between 7 and 7:30 while my son and daughter-in-law  (I'm proud of her too) are getting ready for work and my granddaughter is just waking up.  I get to see them as they leave for the day.  Their daughter has had more affection in her life than I ever dreamed actually happened between parents and kids when I was growing up.  I grew up in a family where the parents never said "I love you" --- never.  They didn't hug, kiss, do anything affectionate with us kids or between themselves.  Ever. I always had my nose in a book but I know I didn't just miss it, I checked with my sister.  She didn't receive any affectionate words or hugs either.  I know my mom loved me but she just didn't say so, not in a time within my memory anyway.  She wasn't a hugger.  My father never once touched me in a kind way.  I saw families on tv that were affectionate but that was as foreign to me as Mr. Ed the talking horse...I mean, he was on tv too but that didn't mean any horses I ever saw acted like him. I am glad I was able to break that chain in my family.  When my kids were little I used to tell them if they came through a room where I was they better give me a hug on the way.  One of my biggest regrets is that I was not able to ever find a husband after their father and I divorced so that they could see me and a husband having a normal, happy, affectionate relationship.  My siblings were able to break the chain of "don't show any affection" as well.    My parents did the best they could with the challenges they had but I am so glad my siblings and I were able to do this one thing better, and our kids are doing it even better still.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Two sweeties -- my daughter-in-law and granddaughter

When I got to my granddaughter's home this morning to babysit I found her and her Momma having a sweet moment....
Kali & Taylor


A Guest Blogger Post

Because I miss the library world so much I searched for some blogs written by librarians.  I ran across 
written by Lizy, who I think is a talented writer and interesting person.  Though I have never met her personally I can feel her kindness and goodness in her posts. That is why I read her blog.  She provided this bio: Lizy is a single girl blogging her way through life, sharing recipes, adventures, and pictures along the way. She is a solo librarian, loves books and cats, and spends an unhealthy amount of time on Twitter  and gave me her permission to repost an excellent piece she wrote on her blog called Drowning.  I wanted to repost it here, with her permission, because it is just so beautifully written and those of us who suffer with depression can so totally relate.  I wanted to repost it here because it is so important for those of us who can relate to know that we are not alone.  If you don't suffer with depression this is an insight into our world:

by Elizabeth on January 22, 2012 ·
Do you ever have days where you feel like you’re about to drown? You’re just treading water, doing everything you can to keep that next wave from pulling you down? Ever have whole weeks like that? Months?

 I do. I’m there right now. Just trying to keep my head above water; trying to keep myself from going under. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…

There’s only so much you can do on days when your biggest accomplishment was making it through the day without falling apart. When it takes everything you have to get out of bed in the morning. To get dressed. To work. To talk to friends. To write. To keep up the appearance that everything is fine. To keep everyone from noticing that you’re slipping down that dark hole again.

Luckily, there’s light at the other end of that hole. It’s not always easy to see, but every once and while, I get a glimpse of life on the other side. Where it doesn’t hurt. Where there is laughter and sunshine and happiness.

It’s fleeting; only there for a few minutes or a few hours. Then the hole begins to close, the water begins to creep back up over my head. And I’m back down in the dark. Wondering when I’ll see the light again.

Thank you for letting me share your post, Lizy.  I don't know why it is comforting to know that someone else feels this way.  I certainly don't WANT Lizy (or me, or anyone else) to feel this way but reading this touching post made me think three things 1) She has been a "fly on the wall" in my mind, living my life with me! 2) I'm sorry she knows how this feels, and I wish I could take it away from her, but I am glad she can express it so eloquently and 3) I just want to shout "Look! Read this! Feel what it is like! I am NOT the depression world I am NORMAL, and because Lizy is normal and can function and can hang in there that means I can too!!!

reminds me of my sister's cats

ME too
Add caption

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

And My Son Didn't Think HIS Daughter Would Ever Play With Dolls!

What Taylor did for a good bit of the day today....
Her daddy thought she would not be a girly-girl

When I bought her a doll he thought she would prefer a truck
A kiss for her baby

Fixing hair is serious business!

"Are you kidding me, Grandma?? My Daddy liked to play with his sister's
Cabbage Patch Dolls???  He must have forgot!"

Gardening Catalogs!

Lately, every time I open the mailbox there is another gardening catalog! Oh, be still my heart! I want it ALL!!!  Besides drooling over catalogs I am also drooling over every gardening board I can find on Pinterest.  Well, not every one, but not for lack of trying!  It will be two more months until we can even think about putting anything in the ground where I live, and for success more like 3 months.  Oh, but while it is snowing here this weekend I will be dreaming and planning....

Too Funny!!!

I no longer have a mother-in-law and don't intend to have another one but this just cracked me up...

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Monday, February 13, 2012

Beautiful, Talented Women

I love to hear Adele sing!  She sure was the sweetheart of the grammies, wasn't she? I think she is so pretty, and I really like that she is a normal size woman, not super skinny.  Jennifer Hudson, oh my goodness, that girl can sing too! Loved her version of Whitney Houston's song "I Will Always Love You."  And Whitney Houston.  I am so sorry to hear that she died.  I loved to hear her sing too.  One of my Christmas traditions is to watch several Christmas dvds every year, including "The Bishop's Wife" starring Loretta Young & Carey Grant and the remake, "The Preacher's Wife" starring Whitney Houston and Denzel Washington.  I love both of those movies.  I am assuming it was drugs and/or alcohol that took Whitney's life.  Her daughter is only 18....I wish she could have won her war with drugs and  lived for her daughter's sake.  Having two daughters in their 30s I know that they still need their mommas. 

We Are In Trouble Now!

In my son's home all of the door knobs look like this.... I love them ... they are so easy to open when my hands are full or if my fingers hurt from being out in the cold.  Unfortunately, Taylor has just gotten tall enough that she can reach these and they are easy for her to open too! Into the bathroom, into the utility room, out the front door. 
Let's see, shall I get in the bathroom trash and play in the toilet, or open the back door and let the dog inside.

Becky & Derrick Are Engaged

He proposed during halftime of the superbowl.  I really like him and am very pleased.  More importantly, my grandsons like him and approve.  He asked them first, a week before.  It is a beautiful ring made up of 9 diamonds...this photo does not do it justice.  They are trying to figure out a date and discussing wedding plans at this time.  It will be the 2nd wedding for both of them. Derrick had a small wedding in his mom's living room for his first wedding, Becky had a church wedding with an expensive dress with a train, etc.  I think Becky would be happy with a small family wedding but Derrick wants a church wedding with his 2 boys and Becky's 2 boys as groomsmen.  They are 5, 7, 9 and 11.  Sounds expensive but then I am not fond of spending alot of money for the 15 minutes a wedding takes.  If it were me I would want to spend any money to be spent all on a honeymoon.

Dr Oz Says 30 Grams of Protein in 1st 30 Min

    Dr Oz said today to eat 30 grams of protein in the first 30 minutes you are up to jumpstart your day.  Hmmm ... 30 grams is alot, for me anyway.  2 slices of toast = 4 g  one serving oatmeal = 6 g  + 1 scoop of whey protein I got at Drug Emporium = 15 g  a banana 1 g 1 cup strawberries* = 1 g   all that adds up to 27 grams and 504 calories. If I ate all that I wouldn't want anything else to eat during the day, but I am going to try it.  *or peaches, apricots, blueberries, raspberries...I will have to see what frozen fruit is cheapest this time of year

Friday, February 10, 2012

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Just Been Tired

I haven't posted for a few days because I have just been tired.  Well, that and it rained so my internet went off for about 24 hours like it always does if it rains.  I'm sick of writing about, and I am sure everyone is sick of reading about, me being cold, tired, depressed, tired, tired, tired so let's move on to my granddaughter.  My son and his family went out of town for the weekend to visit friends.  I'm jealous.....getting out of town must be nice.  Anyway, Tuesday when I was there babysitting I was in the kitchen washing bottles when I realized Taylor was no longer in there with me doing her daily job of emptying the pot holder drawer.  I found her in her room.  Her momma had left her suitcase in the floor so Taylor decided to unpack for her.  She was having a good time!

The end.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Well, Duh

Thank you, "It's Just Me" and "anonymous" (who I know is my sister) for your comments.... it helps to know someone is out there and will say something to me in response to things I am dealing with.  Tish and Linda, I know I have never told you, but your comments really mean a lot to me.  They really help.  I really need them.  I am grateful that you will take the 45 seconds to type something, anything, because it means you care. so, thank you. :) after that mushiness, let's move on.  :)  Yes, the only thing to do is make a plan and do it, but how I will get that much protein in me I don't know.  (want to figure out a day's menu for me? don't include cottage cheese or milk, I gag just thinking about it) I can do it, it just won't be easy.  And no, I am not feeling any warmer.  I spent most of the weekend in bed under blankets & 2 dogs, shivering and freezing.   I am just shocked that I have done this to myself without intention or realizing it.  I thought I ate plenty well.  Plenty well? Does that make any sense? I'm too tired to fix it and try to think properly so, oh well.  When I go to the psychiatrist they always ask how is your appetite, are you eating and I have always said YES, in fact eating and gaining weight is more of a problem.  Never crossed my mind or theirs I guess to wonder what I am eating.  Dr Pepper is not a balanced meal in of itself??? huh.   When my kids were all home I cooked alot.  Seems like we were cooking all the time for the 5 of us.  I loved to cook.  When it was just me, Casey & Trey (my younger son and daughter who were my housemates until a year or two ago) we all took turns cooking and we all liked to cook.  Then when D-B day came I just lost interest in almost everything I used to do and cooking was the first to go.  Even when I attempt to cook I screw up the recipe now, can't remember what I have put in and what I haven't, read one ingredient and put in something else, forget it is in the oven or on the stove...and the mess? Oh heavens, talk about being forced to climb moutains...cook and then clean up...who has energy or desire to eat after that.  I know most people can not understand what it is like to be under the grips of depression so much that the thought of cooking, or getting dressed, or going to the store is as overwhelming as being told to go climb a mountain.  I hope you never have to know how it feels.  I can tell you that you would be in shock at what real fatigue from mental illness feels like.  Two months after I left the hospital my psychiatrist told me I would almost certainly never work full time again.  I really thought he was the crazy one.  When because of Dr reports I received full SS disability 6 months after the hospital alot of people, including me, were baffled that I would be considered permanently disabled.  What?! They are sending me money every month just because I need to catch up on some sleep?  I mean, yes, I applied for it on the good advice of others but I really thought in the back of my mind that I would be well and I was going back to working 1, 2, or 3 jobs at a time like I always had.  No.  My Dr's knew I am broken.  I can't do things a whole person should be able to do.  I have some trouble.  I just didn't get it and I was living it.  I can't expect anyone else to understand.  I had always worked, cooked, looked at whatever had to be done and did my best to do all I could until my body mentally and physically broke.  I am really, really good at putting on my game face and being smiley, happy, perky, of course everything is fine go out and MAKE it a good day attitude, pulling up every sliver of energy to do whatever I have to do ....... just the past few years that energy has run out pretty darn quickly.  (and LOL and duh! energy needs fuel, and I wasn't giving my body the fuel it needed....Lord, really, I miss my mind)   I really thought I was eating well.  Thinking back, if I couldn't concentrate enough to comprehend to read a fiction book when I have read a book a day most of my life why in the heck did I think I could concentrate enough to see that I was eating properly.  I just can't explain what it is like to look like a healthy person and be so broken.  To feel so overwhelmed.  To have things to deal with that seem so impossible.  And that is why I write about it here.  The world is full of people with chronic illnesses of all kinds that feel the same way.  Just feel sick, are sick but don't look sick. That think the entire world sees us a lazy. That wish they could do the things they used to do without even thinking about it.   Heck, wish we could see what needs doing and have the umpf to do it or care.  Well, if you are reading this and you are one of us, I understand.  I know.  I can't fix you or me but at least I understand what it is like. 

At Least They Are Now With Their Mother

Tonight I heard about the murder of Susan Powell's children. My heart just goes out to Chuck and Judy Cox, parents of Susan Cox Powell and grandparents of her two sons, Charlie and Braden.  Also to the CPS workers who tried to protect them. especially the CPS worker who was with the children up until the last minute when the man would not let her in the house.  I doubt there was anything else they could have done.  The children's father was just determined that if he couldn't have them then no one would.  This case has just been bizarre and I am sure beyond frustrating for family, police and CPS workers since Susan Powell disappeared. I simply do not know how the Cox family can bear the pain.  At least the boys are now with their mother.

Going to Be Really Hard for Me

I think I am through eating for the day and I haven't reached 70 grams of protein.  I have never in my life eaten that much protein in a day so this is going to be really hard for me.  So far today my # of grams of protein is 26.64, making me short 43.36 grams.  To make up the difference I would have to eat either 154 almonds, 250 frosted mini wheat biscuits, 6 large baked potatoes or 22 cups of green beans.    Heck, I would have to eat 13 tablespoons of peanut butter.  How on earth do vegetarians get enough protein???  I ate beef twice this week to get some protein in me but today I just could  not even think about eating any more beef.  I ate scrambled egg and bacon sandwhiches for lunch and dinner instead.  Since I don't like eggs ... and true vegans don't eat eggs .... I thought I was really doing something but 2 eggs only adds up to 13 grams of protein.  I just can not make myself drink milk.  So .... what are you eating to get all your protein for the day?

Protein, Pinterest, and The World's Most Perfect Staircase

     Okay....I concentrated real hard today on getting protein and I made it to 49.1 grams.  I had to eat more food than I really wanted but it only added up to 1,264 calories since I cut back on the Dr Pepper and ice cream.  I am here to tell you that dry roasted peanuts do NOT have an indefinite shelf life.  I knew a cup of peanuts would really boost my bottom number up so I got out a jar of peanuts that I have had for a long time.  I did not eat enough to bring up my number because man, they were gross.  I was going to try apple with peanut butter but I was just so full I couldn't eat anything else today.  Getting up to 70 grams is going to be difficult for me.  I got out a new spiral notebook and wrote down everything I ate today, put my food/protein count list in the spiral, and plan to keep track of everything I eat from now on so I can work towards 70 grams every day. 
     Today was more like a winter day is suppose to be...cloudy, cold, dreary.  I was freezing so I spent a lot of time in bed under the covers reading and sleeping.  Since it is Saturday and I had no place to be and no one was coming over to my house today I just slept all I wanted.  I am now caught up on my sleep!  I love sleeping in the daytime.  I also spent too much time on Pinterest.  I love that thing!  Most of the things I have posted to my boards I will never actually  do but when I worked at the library I was able to do a lot of creative things --- bulletin boards, hall displays, crafts with kids --- and I really miss that.  I have one Pinterest board of "things to do with the grandkids."  Those things I most likely will do every one eventually.  My grandsons love to do crafts and I have a good supply of ideas for when my granddaughter gets older.  I think I told you once that my favorite toy as a child was any catalog I could get my hands on.  I still love to look through magazines and catalogs.  I don't get many fact I can't remember when I last got a catalog but it is ok, Pinterest sort of fills that void for me.  I find it terribly relaxing and fun to look at pretty things.  Besides, you just never know what is around the corner and I may find myself in a position to do some of those things.  Meanwhile, it is just fun to see what others are doing and make my boards.   
    I was going to go to Wal-Mart today but decided not this weekend.  My daughter that works at the grocery store texted me on her lunch hour that people were standing in line for baskets.  This is the largest grocery store in town and they have lots of baskets so that is a lot of shoppers and a packed store.  I decided right then if the store was that packed then no way was I venturing out to Wal-Mart today.  We aren't expecting a snow storm so I couldn't figure out why that would be.  I texted her back "because it is the first of the month? or because the weather is colder?" and she told me it was because it is super bowl weekend.  Ohhh ... not being a big fan of football and not having money to ever host a party it just didn't cross my mind that it would be because of football that the store was full of shoppers.  She said beer, cokes,  chips, brisket ... anything you would serve at a Texas superbowl party was just flying off the shelves.  If money were no problem and I had a bigger house, and a bigger tv, I would like to have a superbowl party for my kids and watch the game with them.  Well, without the beer.  It would be fun to be able to do all the decorations, cute food ideas, buy football plates and napkins.  I have never been able to do a party like that for any event.  
    My son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter have gone to visit friends in another town for the weekend.  I wish I did not worry so much.  I will worry until they get back home safe and sound.  I just am going to go read and not let myself think about it.  Excessive worry is a part of anxiety disorder.  You know that Kenny Chesney song with the line "everybody wants to go to Heaven but nobody wants to go now"---at least when we do there will be no excessive worrying going on, no mental illness, and if having a party or doing crafts with my grandkids or having a porch with a swing and pots of flowers would be a blessing to me then I know it will happen because no blessing will be denied us.  That is what keeps me going.  :)      Meanwhile, look at this staircase I found on this not the coolest thing ever or what?!?!?!  LOL! No matter how old I got I would be sliding down this slide!!!!
Why walk down when you can slide? would save my achy knees!!! 

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Time to Start Eating Healthy & a Question For You at the end

From what I have read on the internet I think most likely, if my thyroid medication is indeed correct (and just because the number was correct does not convince me that it is correct for ME) I suspect my feeling cold all the time is related to lack of sleep and lack of protein.   From what I have read "protein aids in proper thermoregulation and keeps your body comfortably warm."  In sitting down and thinking hard about what I have eaten the past year, and considering I have never been a big meat eater, I think I better start writing down everything I put in my mouth and counting grams of protein.  The other factor, lack of sleep, I am not sure how I can fix that.  I  don't want to take a sleeping pill.  When I do go to sleep I sleep like a log.  It is just getting to sleep that is the problem.   A friend has delayed sleep phase disorder.  I wonder if that may be one of my problems, or if it is insomnia.  For as long as I can remember I told me kids when I retire I was going to quit fighting sleep, stay up all night and sleep in the middle of the day.  My body likes to go to sleep between 2 and 4 a.m.  My mom used to tell me I was like a baby and had my nights and days mixed up.  She passed away 19 years ago so I have had this sleep pattern for a long time.  For right now I am just going to work on the nutrition problem.  Every site I looked at said multiply your weight by .4 and that is how many grams of protein you need.  I'm rounding mine down to 70 just because I want to. I suspect I have been eating more like 18 grams of protein a day, if that, so working towards 70 will be something.  For a long time I have lived on Dr. Pepper, ice cream, cookies and frozen entrees almost entirely.  The entrees that I bought have around 10 grams of protein and ice cream has about 8 grams a cup.  Here are the things I have researched that I know I can make myself eat and I am just going to make myself severely cut down the Dr Pepper that I have mostly lived off of for the past 6 months:
1 cup pinto beans     15.4 g     245 cal
1/8 of a pkg of cornbread mix, baked     2.2 g     126 cal
1 cup vanilla ice cream     8 g     300 cal
1 serving Quaker Quick Cooking Oatmeal, prepared     6 g     150 cal
1 slice whole wheat bread     1 g     60 cal
1 cup canned tomatoes     1.9 g     41 cal
5 saltine crackers     1 g     60 cal
1 serving Frosted mini-wheat cereal (24 biscuits)     4 g     220 cal
1 serving Yoplait Whips yogurt     5 g     160 cal
1 large egg     6 g     80 cal
1 cup spaghetti     8 g     220 cal
½ cup spaghetti sauce     2 g     60 cal
1 T. peanut butter     3.5 g     95
4 oz 80% hamburger     28 g     200 cal
1 large baked potato with skin     7 g     278 cal
1 cup homemade mashed potatoes     4 g     237 cal
1 cup green peas     8 g     160 cal
1 cup green beans     2 g     40 cal
1 cup corn     5 g   132 cal
1 cup white hominy     2 g     140  cal
1 cup steamed broccoli     4.6 g     44 cal
1 cup chopped spinach     4 g     60 cal
1 cup black eyed peas     8 g     120 cal
1 cup cooked Minute Rice     4 g     200 cal
1 cup raw carrots     1 g     52 cal
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese     28 g     455 cal
1 cup guacamole     4.6 g     366 cal
10 tortilla chips     2.3 g   146
1 can tomato soup, prepared     4.9 g     183 cal
6 ounce sirloin     34.5 g     342 cal
4 ounce b/s chicken breast     32 g     120 cal
22 dry roasted almonds     6.3 g     169 cal
¼ cup peanuts     9 g     214 cal
1 cherry tomato     0.15 g     3 cal
1 medium tomato     1 g     22 cal
1 cup vegetable stew     6.3 g     134 cal
apple, 1 medium      .47 g     95
bacon, oscar meyer ready to serve microwave  1 slice    1.25 g   17.5
(i have added some foods...if you want an alphabetized slightly longer list let me know and i will email it to you)

I AM CURIOUS, DO YOU THINK YOU EAT 70 GRAMS OF PROTEIN A DAY?  Does that sound like alot to you?  I went to a couple of different websites for my info.  I think cornbread should be more protein but that is what it said.  I realize I left a lot of food off.....I don't drink milk, eat fish or lamb & very little pork or beef.   I mostly like 7 layer dip (boy is that high in calories but at least it has a lot of protein), beans and cornbread, stew and casseroles.  My new mantra is going to be I'm fat because I eat high caloric & non healthy items like Dr Pepper, ice cream and cookies.  I am back up to 186 so let's see how eating all this protein helps with my weight loss.  The medical Dr I went to the other day did tell me that my larger dose of Cymbalta will probably make me gain weight.  Oh yay.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Dr's are Great if You Have a Broken Bone

Office visit? $96 Lab work? $90 Results? Nothing wrong.  No insurance? 1/5th of my monthly SS disability check gone.  Apparently I am not anemic and my thyroid medication is perfect for me.  Sure. I only got to talk to the nurse but when I asked so why do I feel this way her response was Dr wants you to take the vitamins she suggested (B-50, calcium & vitamin D, plus a multi-vitamin), eat healthier, and if I continue to feel freezing cold come back in.  Well, probably not.  And why I usually don't go to the Dr for much of anything.  That which does not kill you will only make your stronger, right?  My theory is that if you have something like a broken bone or bad cut or sore throat then Dr's can help you.  If you have some problem that is not caused by only one thing or for which there is a test then who knows if they can help.  I don't dislike Dr's  or think they just want to rush me in and out or try to frustrate me on purpose.  I think there are just lots of things that are not that simple and unfortunately they can't plug in "patient is abnormally for her freezing cold, and dead tired exhausted" into a computer and it spit out one diagnosis and one pill to fix me.  I just wish they could.  I will try to figure out my problem myself I guess.  I told the Dr that I am just so tired (use all my "spoons" taking care of my granddaughter, an opportunity for which I am extremely grateful.  If you missed the spoon story click on spoon story under "labels" there on the right) and just realized I haven't been taking care of myself, can't take care of myself unless I get some energy from somewhere.  B-50 is suppose to take care of that.  I thought about what do I eat for "fuel."  Since D-B day (depression breakdown day)  almost 2 years ago I doubt I have cooked half a dozen meals.  The first year my daughter lived with me and I only ate whatever was on the plate she put in my lap.  Severe, debilitating depression does that ... you don't have the energy, desire, wits to get up and cook something.  The second year she had the opportunity to get help from HUD to get her own apartment (she is disabled too) and we both thought it would be good for her to have her own home.  Everyone needs their own place.  My kids either came to my house and cooked meals and we ate together occasionally or I lived on frozen Weight Watchers' Smart Ones, except I bought cheaper ones.  I don't like mystery meat so I only ate 5 Cheese Zitti pasta or Fettuccine Alfredo with Broccoli.  Other than that I ate cereal, drank Dr Pepper and grabbed something off the dollar menu at McDonald's (McChicken without condiments or lettuce is my fav).  If I had breakfast it was a pop tart.  Oh, and I guess to make sure I remained fat I ate ice cream every day.   Well, let me back up.  In the summer it was just too hot to eat anything other than ice cream, plus I love ice cream. In the fall I had a couple of months when I made pinto beans or vegetable stew in the crockpot constantly and I did well during that time.  Then the entire 'I have Morton's Neuroma torture pain so bad and no-med depression so bad that I stopped cooking anything' saga came up.  Okay, fine.  Then I started Cymbalta and nothing tasted good, nothing sounded appealing, I didn't want anything but Dr Pepper.  For a couple of months I grabbed a McChicken and fries at lunch or a burrito and that was my food intake for the day. I figured out tonight that duh, not much protein in that diet.  I really don't want to eat meat very often, see previous post about cruelty to animals, so I googled high protein foods and am trying to figure out what I am going to eat.  I don't like fish, eggs, milk, cottage cheese, peanut butter.  I need around 70 grams of protein a day evidently.  A cup of green beans has 1.5.  I can't eat 46 cups of green beans a day so I have to come up with plan B.  Tomorrow I will let you know what it is.  Almonds, pinto beans and cornbread, and spinach will be involved.  So.... lack of protein is probably one of my problems.  I still don't know why I am freezing cold even under a pile of blankets.  After I show you my plan B (guess what? Dr Pepper has no protein) I will ask for other suggestions. 

Wednesday, February 1, 2012


   Tonight on the news was a report on animal cruelty at a huge pig operation in the panhandle.  These poor huge pigs were in cages so small they could never turn around.  I won't describe anything else.  You don't want to know.  Not long ago there was a report on animal cruelty at a cattle feed yard.  It was not pretty.  I don't eat a lot of meat anyway so I am thinking I might become a vegetarian. I believe God created animals for us to eat but I do not believe the Lord created them to live in conditions that are just disgusting.  I wish I lived in a world where animals could live as intended, outside, and without hormones, etc.  I wish I could grow the vegetables I want to eat.  Having over 50 days of 100+ temperatures last summer, and the worst drought since records have been kept, and the wind, and the lake and aquifers beginning to dry up that supply our water for the panhandle just ruined my plans for growing much of my own food.  How on earth did the pioneers do it???