Fog may be clearing

Post # 59  I quit taking the two $50 copay drugs I mentioned awhile back and I seem to be doing better in some ways. I was able to read a book this week...Donna Andrews' book Stork Raving Mad (thoroughly enjoy this series)and I am going to get off the computer and start another cozy mystery Death Loves a Messy Desk. I am scared the anxiety might get worse or that I will fall in the depression hellhole but I have to be able to read books.

Brent will live to see another day

Post # 58  Yay! DS Brent brought my washer and dryer tonight. I would love to post a photo of them here if I could. I may move my blog to Shutterfly...I think you have to sign up if you want to view my things but signing up for shutterfly doesn't cost you anything and in fact they give new people something like 50 photos free for signing up. Back to the w/d...Now I just need to sell the old ones if you know anyone who needs them. $225 for the pair. Honestly they are good appliances, I just hate them because I bought them from my son's X-mother-in-law and it makes me sad every time I look at them ('cause Gail divorced my son). I bought a front load Energy Star stackable washer and dryer and they will be the last ones I ever buy, unless I live to be a 100 or something. Brent, Kali, Becky, Casey and I had a nice dinner and visit. The girls and I made salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, pea salad, homemade cream style corn,& Sister Scubert rolls. Those dinner rolls are so awesome I didn't care if it was 90 degrees outside...we had the oven on anyway. Cantelope and watermelon for dessert but we were too stuffed. Casey and I went to a Wal-mart yesterday and a different one today and I noticed the price of numerous things was higher at one than the other one. If you live where I live the one on Georgia is the cheaper one. For instance watermelons were $2 on Georgia and $3.88 at Tascosa Rd. Looked like the same watermelons to me, probably came from the same field. Once I was thumping watermelons like I would know what I was suppose to be hearing when the guy stocking cantelopes next to the watermelon bin said to me "they all came out of the same field"....I gather he had heard all the watermelon thumping he wanted to for one day. This dang site...it keeps underlining cantelope to let me know I misspelled it but spell check is no longer an option...it left when 'add photos' disappeared. Anyway, Casey and I found geraniums half price so I got 2 big pots of red ones to go in front of the fireplace. If you know me you know I have been selling jewelry for a couple of years. After mid-September I will no longer be selling jewelry. I received a new catalog from the company this week and it is the best catalog yet. I am sending in two more orders, August 15th and September 5th. If you want to order anything I will forego my profit and let you order at my cost. Very good deal if you want to do some early Christmas shopping. On a very sad note I hope Oprah's No Phone Zone becomes common. This weekend a woman a couple of years younger than me was struck and killed while riding her bike with a local cycling club. She had a husband and 16 yr old daughter who needed her. Her cycling club friends saw her die. The driver was a 24 yr old man who dropped his cell phone and took his eyes off the road to pick the cell phone up, veered out of his lane and accidentally slammed in to the lady on her bike. It is a tragedy all the way around. That poor man will have a long life ahead of him to remember seeing her in front of his truck when he looked up. It could happen to any of us who talks or texts while driving and I know too many people who do. So PLEASE don't.

blundering with my blog

Post # 57            AArrgghhh! For some reason I can no longer post photos here. I hunted for another free blog and had trouble there. I created one on wordpress. That wasn't good. No colored text there. I need color, colors make me happy. I need to share pictures. I guess my blog is staying here until I find another free place that will let me do what I want to. I loved the old blog I had a couple of years ago and really really wish they had not gone out of business. Well, back to life. My new washer and dryer came in at Sears on the 15th. Delivery was $75 so my DS Brent insisted he would pick them up for me. INSISTED. They came in Thurs, he was going to pick them up after work on Friday. I forget why but that didn't happen. He was going to get them on Saturday. Didn't happen. Would get them Sunday afternoon for sure. Ya know what happened. nothing. Definitely Monday after work. Well, Monday night we all went out to eat together to celebrate (1) my washer & dryer, (2) Trey's saving Taco Villa from burning down (THAT is another story), (3)Becky's finding out she will have a job interview on Wed.....same company, just would be a very nice promotion, (4) Brent and Kali's baby...she is starting to have a baby bump and (5) Casey just because she is a very sweet DD who takes good care of me. After our meal we went to Sears and actually got the washer and dryer loaded on a trailer attached to Kali's jeep. Casey and I drove off for home assuming we would have appliances installed in just a few minutes. No. Brent calls and his friend in the next little town needs him to come pull him out of a ditch. It is 8 pm. My washer and dryer are on the trailer. Not in my utility room. Brent parks the jeep and the trailer in a locked fence area at the place where he works and he and Kali take off in his truck to go pull out his friend. Promises he will bring them to me Tuesday night, right after work. OK fine. It's not like I have to have them, and I know they are locked up (Casey drove by just to be sure) It is now Tuesday night. He doesn't show up by 6 pm so Casey texts her brother. They are going to eat and then be right over. I had offered earlier in the day to cook supper for them since he would be here installing my washer and dryer but no, that's ok, they will eat at home then be over. Now, I am a patient woman but at 8 pm tues night...I get a text, Mom would you be really mad.... i should have said yes, yes Brent I would...but I said fine BUT tomorrow night... (my therapist will not approve)
If i do not have my new washer and dryer in my utility room, hooked up and functioning by 7 pm tomorrow I will not need them because I will be in jail for beating my son with a wet noodle. or a Louisville slugger. Have you ever heard that Carrie Underwood song....maybe I will just go after his truck.

In my yard...

Post # 55      dang it. something happened and i no longer have the option to post photos. i updated my browser and it changed things. i was going to post pictures from my yard. if i can't get it fixed i will look into moving my blog to a different free blog site. if you ever read this and want the new address you will have to tell me. i can't tell who is reading this.

cognitive impairment?

Post # 54      You know a few posts back I was wondering if I could do without the 2 prescriptions that are $50 each? You know how I have been saying I can't concentrate enough to read a book? Can't comprehend anything? Everyone knows my memory is non-existent. Well, I decided to see what I could find out about one of the $50 ones. This is from the list of side effects of one of my prescriptions, one for anxiety, from wikipedia...With long-term use of benzodiazepines it is unclear whether cognitive impairments fully return to normal after cessation of therapy; cognitive deficits persist for at least 6 months post-withdrawal, but it is possible that longer than 6 months is required for recovery of cognitive function. Lorazepam appears to have more profound adverse effects on memory than other benzodiazepines; lorazepam impairs both explicit memory and implicit memory. Benzodiazepines can cause or worsen depression. I don't need any help worsening my depression. Won't be refilling this one.

vinegar

Post # 53       In my searching for ways to live more frugally I have discovered vinegar. The acid in vinegar kills bacteria.   Click on the link below to Reader's Digest list of 175 uses for vinegar.  The one i can hardly wait to try is spraying vinegar on your windshield when a frost is expected and your windshield will not freeze over.  A tablespoon in the dog water bowl is a natural deterent to fleas and ticks but don't try this for cats, they hate vinegar.  I now have $ store spray bottles filled with vinegar under every sink.  You can use it for a vegetable cleaner (vinegar kills bacteria, then rinse off with water), i use it for a cleaner for my sink, stovetop, fridge door, door handles, counters.  FLYlady suggests a swish and swipe method every day to keep your bathroom clean.  I spray the sink, faucet, mirror with vinegar, let it sit a minute then wipe down with a paper towel.  Spray the toilet seat & rim with vinegar then use that same paper towel to wipe it off, spray some vinegar in the bowl and swish with your toilet bowl brush and your bathroom is clean.  takes just a minute. I sprayed the kitchen window sill when i saw baby sugar ants and that got rid of them, sprayed vinegar on weeds and it killed them. 
http://www.rd.com/home-garden/extraordinary-uses-for-vinegar/article24053.html

post # 52 why i don't have money...

because i spend it.  When i got my tax return i bought a Bissell steam mop (rated #1 by comsumer reports for budget steam cleaners)  It was something like $60 on sale at Target.  I have wanted a steam mop ever since i saw the first comercial for shark steam cleaners a couple of years ago but i kept thinking how my poor mother would spin in her grave at the thought of me spending this kind of money on a mop but since i have 3 dogs, 2 grandsons, 2 or more grown ups coming in and out of my front yard where we are trying to get grass seed to grow (thus we have lots of mud, or dry dirt that sticks to paws and shoes until it touches the floor) plus the fact that all of us seem to spill things on a regular basis my floors often need mopping. Actually i like mopping but no matter how hard i wrung out the mop my floors would be wet long enough for a dog or two to come in the doggie door and track paw prints on the wet floor, or more likely me wanting to get to the fridge or something before the floor got dry.  With Casey's fibromyalgia she doesn't need to be lifting heavy buckets of water, and mopping with a regular mop hurt her back, mine too, so i finally decided i was going to get a steam mop.  I LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT!  You fill a little canister with distilled water...i'm guessing it holds 2-3 cups ...plug it in and give it about 30 seconds until the indicator light says it is hot and off you go.  It takes no time at all to mop and the floor is dry in about 20 seconds....really.  I read some comsumer reviews that said it left puddles of water but so far i have not seen that.  It has a cotton mop cloth that you throw in the washer.  It is far easier to mop with than a regular mop, takes way less time, and since it steams i feel like it is getting the floor really clean. You don't have to buy special products, except the recommended distilled water rather than tap. Around the toilet i sprayed a couple of squirts of vinegar to kill bacteria and then steamed that area, just because i have discovered the wonders of vinegar.   Best part...no sticking your mop repeatedly in a bucket of water and wringing it out by hand.

Baked Zucchini Tomato Pie

Post # 51       I ran across this blog..."we are THAT family (dot) com" and saw this recipe (click on the link below).  I can hardly wait to have enough ripe tomatoes to try it.   Have any of you made this?

http://wearethatfamily.com/2010/07/wfmw-look-a-summer-recipe/

Monday, Monday

Post # 50            FLYlady has really encouraged me.  I love getting all her emails, I love her method of getting things done.  I love that she says quit thinking negative thoughts and quit thinking you have to do everything at once.  Today I totally, totally cleaned my bathroom. Since it had not been cleaned since I went to the hospital it really needed it.  I felt so good about myself and so pleased to see my beautiful bathroom back, and with her daily swish and swipe method I know I can keep it clean every day in about 2 minutes.   Go to  flylady.net if you are interested.  The bathroom was what I got accomplished earlier today.  After a nap I felt so good about getting something accomplished I tackled the fridge next.  It hadn't been cleaned since way before I went to the hospital.  The new rule is if you spill something in the fridge clean it up right then.  Getting those two things done just exhausted me.  When you have really severe depression exhaustion is not even a good enough term to describe how you feel.  It feels like someone has turned on the faucet and drained every bit of  strength or energy you ever had out of your body and replaced it with lead. And that is what you feel before you actually attempt to get something accomplished.  I was able to do more today than I have in a long time, but I tried to read another book and just couldn't stay focused enough to read.  I can't believe I have all this time available to read and I just can't.  I will be glad when I get over this bump in the road.  Meanwhile Casey and Brent got home from their trips safe and sound so really all is well in Carol's world.

Looking forward to the 5th

post # 49  And the neighborhood fireworks begin............I hate them.

Happy 4th!

Post # 48    I have been striving to keep my house picked up all my life.  Every year for as long as I can remember I have told the kids that all I want for my birthday is for every room in the house to look like a picture in a magazine.  I am slow as Moses, as my mother told me hourly all my life, and I can find lots of things to do besides clean house anyway.  Well, I do believe FLYlady is going to finally bring me peace!  I love her website, the little emails she sends encourage me and she says it's not gonna happen all in one day...work 15 minutes at a time.  Her routine really works...and coming from me that is something.  If I can do it anyone can.  go to flylady.net -- you don't have to buy anything just read her site and watch her little video messages.  I wish I lived next door to her but this is the next best thing.  I love her acronyms....do you live in CHAOS? (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome?) and FLY (Finally Love Yourself)  Years ago I saw FLYlady on every morning show, talk show, and i should have started way back then.  I think she is awesome, except for her put your shoes on first thing in the morning idea.

One Day in June

Post # 47

What we did at Grandma and Aunt Casey's house......

Is this STILL Friday?

Post # 46    Regardless of how Travis looks in this photo in Carol's world things are not quite as scary as they have been.  Long day though.  Casey left early today on a camping trip and won't be back til Monday.  Brent left on a different camping trip and won't be back til Monday.  Mason and Travis were extra good for me today.  Since Casey left much earlier than the original plan I had to go to the grocery store, and drive, and watch my grandsons all by myself today....I can't even remember when I last drove or went to the grocery store by myself (but with my memory...).  I must be getting better because I used to gasp, tense up, sometimes do a little panic yell thing when cars approached from the side even when I wasn't driving but I did just fine driving today.  We had lunch at McDonald's then went to United and got the ingredients to make taco casserole for dinner.  It was sooo good.  Becky had dinner with us then she went to see a friend and Mason, Travis and I played Scrabble, watched The Wizard of Oz and Where the Wild Things Are.  Finally got them in bed but since it is their last night with me til who knows when we packed a lot of things in today and stayed up late watching movies.  I am exhausted.  Trey called and said he would "spend some time talking and sitting on the swing with me" tomorrow afternoon.  I am taking care of Brent's two dogs while he is gone so I will be driving several times a day...will just run over there 2 or 3 times a day and make sure they have food and water...they have a doggie door into his utility room in case it rains or they get too hot and a nice fenced yard.  He lives maybe a mile from me so I won't have to drive on I-40 or anything.  Becky will come over in the morning after the boys wake up and we will play games.  Mason and I got out the Dominoes, In a Pickle, Yahtzee and Uno and have them stacked on the table ready to play in the morning.  I have another incentive to continue getting well and to get a job.  I want a Chevy Volt...Chevy's electric car is finally in production.  If I can get back to work it will still be a couple of years before I can save up enough to make it feasible & it's a pipe dream probably (what does "pipe dream" mean?) but it is a good goal.  I was hoping for about 4 days of drizzle but we only got about 3 minutes of very light sprinkles...all when we were getting groceries out of the car and into the house, but it felt good.  5 of my prescriptions need to be refilled Tuesday.  I am wondering do I really need the two that are $50 a piece?

SURPRISE FOR ME :)

Post # 45     What a nice surprise!  Alesia from HR emailed me that "The City of Amarillo has a small personalized token of thanks for you" so Casey went and picked it up for me.  It wasn't a "small token" to me! It was absolutely wonderful! A Seiko chiming mantle clock!  I have always wanted a mantle clock, even before I had a mantle I wanted one!  It matches Christ's picture frame really well.  I love it and this was such a wonderful surprise.  Thank you, Alesia, for letting me know the City had this gift for me. 

SURPRISE PARTY!

Post # 44   My grandsons go back to their dad's on Sunday so since they will miss their Aunt Casey's birthday in July we had a surprise party tonight. Casey is going camping Friday for the weekend and the boys will be with their Mom Saturday so tonight was the last time both my daughters and grandsons could be together.  I will have the boys all day Friday and then they are spending the night.  Travis picked out the cake at Walmart and Mason, Travis and I found girl-y things for her, like 4 different colors of nail polish.  When Becky got off work we had beans and cornbread, cake and then we played Scrabble.   In the photo below Max Schnauzer was obviously ready for his piece of cake.

WEDNESDAY

Post # 43       We ARE in a cold spell!  Tomorrow will be in the mid 80's again and there is a chance for rain all weekend. RAIN!  I hope it drizzles for several days straight.   As my daughter left tonight she said 1st thing in the morning she would come mow so I decided since it was very nice out around 9 pm, 72 I think it was,  I would get out the mower and do it myself, so I did..  I love my lawn mower.  My fescue is not doing so well.  The series of 90-100 degree days just about did it in, plus 3 dogs wetting on it.  I am hoping about September when it stays in the 70's and 80's the grass will recover.  When I checked the garden tonight...I hadn't been out there in several days...I was pleased to see little baby squash growing on one plant, a couple of tiny bell peppers, 4 yellow peppers, and a tiny eggplant growing.  This morning my grandsons picked strawberries...maybe 8.  My bean vines are still just about 4 inches tall...they are just sitting there.  My tomatoes are doing well.  The okra and canteloupe are still alive but not growing.  I don't know why. I tried square foot gardening this year but I didn't spend the money on what is referred to as Mel's Mix...1/3 vermiculite, 1/3 peat moss and 1/3 compost from 5 different sources (such as cow, rabbit, chicken, horse, goat, worm, or even cow manure from 5 different companies...not dog or cat).  I just bought bags of raised bed garden mix and added lots of coffee grounds from Starbucks, and some Miracle Grow.  I am going to try it again next year but go with that formula, added to what I already have and the compost I am making.  I got a real late start since I was in the hospital in late April and then the whole months of May and June I have pretty much vegetated instead of making more boxes so I could plant more. My son gave me cattle panels and I intended to grow watermelon, beans, peas and canteloupe on them but he hasn't brought the t-posts to me so we never got them up...but I am going to get them someday and Casey and I will build the arches for next year.  My flowerbeds don't look like I wanted them to...I just did not have a green thumb this year but I plan on next year being better.  My plan was to have a lush garden, gorgeous flowerbeds and a fenced lined with roses.  Well, so much for that.  We have bermuda grass in the front yard...how does anyone have a flowerbed and keep the bermuda out?

      Anybody who knows me knows if there is a choice between reading a book and cleaning the house, well cleaning can wait. Actually, if there is a choice between cleaning and anything else I usually pick "anything else." tomorrow is my actual 1st day of retirement...even tho I have not been to work in 2 months.... so I think it is time to change my ways.  I am enlisting the help of FLYlady.net.  I have been to her site half a dozen times in the past, saw her on a morning show several years ago, recently checked out her website again and decided I am going to give her method a shot, except for that put your shoes on first thing in the morning thing.  I'll let you know how that works out for me.  July is going to be the month I feel better and get lots done.  My meds will have had the opportunity to really get in my system and do what they are suppose to do.  I plan on being a new woman.

   I think the dryer stopped so I am going to put clean sheets on the bed and get in it.  I have my grandsons for 2 more days and then they go back to their dad's. I plan to have fun the next two days playing game after game after game.  We have Scrabble, Yahtzee, Uno, Phase 10, In a Pickle, dominoes, Monopoly and Mason wants to teach me how to play Spades.

cherries

Post # 42    I am already tired of this background but I can not figure out how to delete it.  Can anyone tell me?

  Since  I just added it a few days ago you would think i could figure it out, but noooo, my mind is still pretty much out to lunch.  Depression fog makes my memory nonexistent.  I couldn't tell you what i did or how i did it this morning much less a couple of days ago.  So, it's cherries until someone comes to my rescue.

Tuesday

Post # 41    The cake recipe I posted yesterday...is really, really good.  Today I sliced a leftover peach over a slice and it was worth every calorie.  I hope you try it.  Get Joanna Fluke's book and check out the directions for making a layer cake out of it with a frosting recipe if you prefer layer cakes. And read the book too, plus there must be a dozen more recipes. 

    A friend told me to go to youtube and listen to the Anita Renfroe videos.  I haven't laughed so much in months.  Thank you, Tammy, because I really needed that.  

Peachy Keen! And I Enjoyed Them Both!

Post # 40           Today I did two things I haven't done in months....I baked a cake from scratch and I read a book!  My mind and concentration abilities have been lost in the depression fog and for the first time in my life I have not been able to read a book ... in months...words just float and I have no idea what I have read, no idea what the story is, my eyes end up skimming the page until I just don't want to try anymore.  Well, my name was on the waiting list for Joanna Fluke's new book,  Apple Turnover Murder, and Casey picked it up for me.  It's due back in a few days so finally, yesterday, I decided I was just going to read it, It's pretty much fluff, so I should have been able to read it in one evening but it took me two days, and reading in bits but I did it..  I enjoyed it, except I knew who committed the murder about halfway through the book and I love it when I can't figure it out until the end.  And calling it fluff is not meant as a derogatory thing...that is why I like cozy mysteries...they aren't intense or hard to follow, when I read for entertainment and stress relief I don't want to read War and Peace, I want a cozy mystery. Her books are full of recipes...the character owns a cookie shop...and one of the recipes was for a peach cake.  It sounded so good...and we are in the beginning of a cold front, we were down to 86 today so I thought we could stand to have the oven on...so I asked Casey to go to the store for the ingredients.  I thought it was luscious, Mason didn't like it and I don't remember what Becky said.  Everyone else ate too much dinner to try it.  All 4 of my kids and my grandsons were here for dinner.  Trey made steak fingers and the best gravy I have had in a very long time; Becky chopped all the veggies so Casey could make her pasta salad,  and we had mashed potatoes,yellow squash, green beans, & corn on the cob.  I made the cake.

Here is the recipe from Joanna Fluke's book Apple Turnover Murder:
Rose's Peachy Keen Cake
Preheat oven to 350 
4 egg whites
1/4 t. cream of tartar
3/4 cup softened butter
8 oz cream cheese, softened
2 cups white sugar
3 t. baking powder
1/2 t. salt
2 beaten eggs
1/2 t. almond extract
1/2 t. vanilla extract
 peaches - fresh, canned or frozen
2 & 1/2 cups flour
1 cup finely chopped blanched almonds
Beat egg whites & cream of tartar until they form soft peaks, set aside.
In a large bowl beat butter, cream cheese and sugar until fluffy.  Add baking powder and salt, mix thoroughly.  Add the 2 beaten eggs, the almond and the vanilla extracts. Mix well.  Peel and slice the peaches then zoop them in a blender, squash with a potato masher or mash with a food processor until pureed.  Measure out 1 & 1/2 cups of pureed peach and mix in with the butter mixture.  Gradually add the flour beating at low speed.  Stir in the almonds by hand.  Gently fold in the egg whites.  Spray a bundt pan with Pam, the dust lightly with flour.  Pour the cake batter in the pan and bake 50 - 60 minutes.  Test with a toothpick.  Let cool on a rack in the pan 15 minutes, then loosen edges & invert on a plate.  
Glaze
1/2 cup peach jam
1/2 cup powdered sugar
   Scoop the jam into a microwavable bowl or two cup glass measuring cup. Heat for 20 seconds.  If it is melted you are done, if not then heat another 20 seconds.  Stir in powdered sugar by the spoonfuls until it is the consistency to pour on the cake.
I didn't have the almonds or the extract so I used 1 t. of vanilla extract. 

Brent Proposed

Post # 39    Brent proposed, Kali said yes!

HAPPY!

Post # 38   Mason and Travis decorated my sidewalk for me.  I love colors and it made me happy to see their drawings...made me think of Dick Van Dyke's character in Mary Poppins.....the boys and I have watched Mary Poppins a gazillion times but I can't think of the character's name.   :(   I really miss my mind. 
...next day...Bert!  I think it's Bert !!!  (after hours of going Buster? no Sam? no  Bill? no)

really the end

Post # 37
a sad day in carol's world.  i signed the retirement papers this morning so i really am retired.  i feel like i need to get out and pound the pavement looking for another job but i know i am not well enough yet. but when i am well enough i know it will be  hard for someone my age to get a job.  in carol's world today it is scary.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!

Post # 36
When I woke up this morning I discovered it rained last night! Woo-hoo! Between 7 and 9 a.m. I went out and pulled weeds even though it was misty. After a week of temps near or at 100 degrees cool mist felt great. The bugs have eaten my garden up. Why is it they do not eat the weeds? I had planted marigolds around my boxes as a natural deterrent but they ate those too. My tomatoes are doing great and I still have onions, strawberries and peppers. Next year I am not going to try strictly organic, and I am going to redo my boxes so they are up on legs I don't expect them being on legs to deter the insects but will be easier on my back. I put down weed cloth but the Bermuda grass grew into the boxes through weed cloth and about 20 layers of newspaper. When I made the boxes I had cleaned up 2 dumpsters full of weeds from that area but I didn't see any bermuda in the garden.  Where it came from I don't know but once we started watering ---up it popped--- everywhere I didn't want it. I keep trying to pull it up but I truly expect to have lovely garden boxes of thick grass before the summer is over. In my flowerbed I  have 2 pink dahlias coming up. I am very excited because I have never grown dahlias before. My knock out roses are blooming but the other roses are dead. If I knew where the dadgum receipt was I would pull them up and take them back. Every grocery store and McDonald's receipt stays in the bottom of my purse forever but any receipt I need? no. I have told myself a billion times to make a place for receipts. Since I am starting this new life as a retired person I am going to start off by doing some of those things I should have been doing all along.

Fruit Smoothie

Post # 35
My grandsons, 8 & 9, are spending a couple of weeks with me. Travis has just been dying to make a fruit smoothie so we googled smoothies and found Emeril......
                 STRAWBERRY BANANA FRUIT SMOOTHIE
Recipe courtesy Emeril Lagasse, 2006
* show: Emeril LiveEpisode: Emeril's Fruit Stand
Rated: 5 stars out of 5
Prep Time: 10 min Level: Easy Yield: 6 servings

* 1 cup whole milk
* 1 cup plain yogurt
* 1/2 cup freshly squeezed orange juice
* 1/4 cup honey
* 2 bananas, peeled and cut into 2-inch pieces
* 1 pint fresh strawberries
* 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
* 1 to 2 cups crushed ice

                                                                Directions

In a large-capacity blender combine all of the ingredients and puree until smooth. (Alternatively, puree in batches if necessary.) Serve the smoothies in chilled tall glasses.

I guess some of us didn't know what to expect........ but it was a very pretty pink drink. I don't like milk at all and would have much rather just had the fruit. Becky & Trey, who drink smoothies, liked it.

Mason 1 star    Grandma 2 stars    Travis 3 stars     Casey 3 stars    Trey 4 stars    Becky 4 stars

this journey through depression and anxiety

Post # 34
I went to the mall!  I don't like going to the mall and right now I don't like leaving my house at all so it's a big deal that I not only got out of the house for the first time in exactly a week (I could so easily be a hermit) but that I walked through the mall, OK part of the mall.  Both my son and daughter were with me, and since it was a Tuesday evening not close to any major holiday the mall was fairly empty.  I bought a washer and dryer at Sears...will pay for them with a partial lump sum from my retirement.  I am afraid ...paranoid...of trying to live on retirement and the washer going out & me with no way to replace it.  My old one has been acting up lately, running extra rinses when we don't want them.  They are about 12-14 years old and still work, but I bought them from my ex-daughter-in-law's mom when she got new ones. I think about Gail and Kay every time I see those appliances and I am very sad that Gail left my son and don't want to see her mom's washer in my house.  Is that absolutely stupid?   Actually my daughter, Casey and I have been looking at washers for about a year now. I should be good on appliances for the rest of my life since the house came with a stove, fridge and dishwasher, except I'd like to get a freezer. It is really odd to think "will this appliance outlive me?"  My mom was just 16 years older than me when she passed away. 16 years? In 16 years my newest grandchild will just be taking drivers training. Back to today, after the mall, my son, Brent bought us BBQ beef sandwiches and we got home just in time before we got a little rain...mostly horizontal, just enough to wet the sidewalk but lots of thunder and lightning.  I live very close to the news channel 10 station and on the 10 p.m. news they showed dumpsters blown over outside the station. Typical windy day in the panhandle. Gracie is scared of thunder so she was glad to see us.  In fact, the poor thing is curled up under my armpit because it is still thundering.  I started reading a book today...Ladies of the Lake by Haywood Smith...it feels good to be reading a book! I haven't talked to a single person other than my kids in a week but a friend is meeting me at the botanical garden Fri after my psych appt and I have got to go up to city hall and sign the retirement forms...hard thing to do.  I was suppose to go to city hall Monday a.m. but I stressed so much over it on Sunday I ended up with a vicious headache,  didn't sleep much Sunday night, felt horrid all day Monday and cancelled my appt.  I keeping meaning to call & reschedule, and make an appt with my therapist as well, she really helps, but I haven't done either.  On the way to the mall tonight we passed the library, I didn't cry but I could have...I simply can not believe I no longer work there.  I keep wishing I would wake up and the past 2 months just be a terribly bad dream.   I am making progress, but still...really bad depression makes things as simple as calling and setting up an appt seem like climbing a mountain, seeing the place where I loved to work, pretty hard.  positive thought for the day.....I get to see my grandsons every day for the next two weeks. Today my grandson Travis and I made homemade milkshakes. Yum!

Kids-in-Mind.com

post # 33
Kids-in-Mind.com is a website that gives parents a tool in choosing movies suitable for their kids to see. Movies are given a numeral rating for violence & gore, sex & nudity and profanity.  If you want detailed info just click on the movie title and tells why it got 8 for violence or whatever.

I Should Have Named This....

Post # 32
I should have named this the most boring blog on the net but the site meter says 110 somebodies have been here. it doesn't count me and it doesn't tell me who you are so who are you?  Leave me a comment and just say hi or email me.  My positive thought for the day is....thank goodness I don't have to get out in this weather...because it is close to 100 degrees outside.  Best part of retirement...I can stay up most of the night when it's cool and sleep in the daytime when it is hot, except the next 2 weeks when we will have my grandsons. Where my sister lives it was 108 today.   I am collecting frugal living tips.  Please share yours.  My first tip... I have bought some5 gal. buckets.  Normally when I turn the shower on I run the water until it gets warm before I get in...now I catch that water in a bucket to use to water the garden.  Same thing for getting hot water to the dishwasher before I turn it own.   You would not believe how much water I previously just ran down the drain.   I can add a separate page to the blog and I will list all tips there just in case you want to be frugal too.

Three's

Post # 31
3 things I have to do this week

1. fill out retirement forms
2. go to the psychiatrist
3. clean up this house

3 things I want to do this week

1. go to the botanical garden with my friend
2. play In A Pickle with my grandsons
3. play Wii bowling

3 things I wish I could have done this weekend

1. attend my friend Stacy's play
2. help my niece move 
3. gone to see Toy Story 3

3 things I do that is weird

1. make lists because I have to mark something off to get it done
2. when i make lists i usually start at the bottom right corner and go up
3. hoard pieces of paper, any piece of paper except receipts I end up needing

3 things I will never eat

1. lamb
2. crawfish
3. rabbit 

3 Meg Ryan movies i've seen at least 25 times

1. You've Got Mail
2. Sleepless in Seattle
3. Sweet Home Alabama (oops, this is Reese Witherspoon)

Whew! It's hot!

Post # 30
Where I live it the temperature is 96 degrees today, 100 yesterday.  Where my sister lives it has reached 105 twice and 100 numerous times.  On days like this I wonder why I don't live in a little cabin in the mountains somewhere.

What the World Needs Now

Post # 29
"Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity."
-Sister Margaret Nadauld

going deaf and getting blind...not a good combination

Post # 28
I have paid on my eyeglass insurance for a very long time and since it has been 2 years since they have assisted me with glasses I decided I would get a spare pair before my retirement is official ..... so I got my purse and put in my hearing aides and my daughter Casey took me to Eyemart Express.  I'd better back up....back in the fall when Zoe was just a puppy she got my glasses off an end table while I was asleep.  She is the first dog I have ever had that ever messed with my glasses.  I didn't have money for a new pair of glasses, not even the insurance copay, so I went to an optometrist that did not take our brand of eyeglass insurance but would let city employees do payroll deduction.  Over $500 because I need ultra thin lens (and still they look like coke bottles) and transitions because my eyes are sensitive to light. Then later in the winter I was sick with a cold, fell asleep in my big chair, must have taken my glasses off in my sleep & dropped them...Zoe got them again so...no money for my insurance copay so I ordered another pair from the payroll deduction optometrist, over $500 again.  Well, if you don't have an Eyemart Express where you live they have these really annoying commercials featuring a woman saying in a very shocked and indignant voice "My last pair of glasses was over five HUNDRED dollars" (from somewhere else).  So, since Eyemart Express does take my insurance I went there to get my glasses because that commercial indicates they won't be $500.  Since my insurance won't cover the ultra thin lens or the transitions (usually around $350) I want the least expensive place, right?  Casey finds me the cutest frames, I loved them, and I proceed to get them ordered.  I have a copy of my prescription from the payroll deduction Dr.  This young woman takes my glasses and says "those are thin lens??"  Then I hand her the prescription, she looks at it and says just a moment and off to the back she goes.  She comes back and said my prescription is too strong...they can't fill it.  They can't fill it?? Now I was feeling a little shocked and indignant.  I loved those frames too...but on the positive side, I didn't cry! Meds must be kickin' in!

The Pity Party Is Over

Post # 27
Ok, I am going to end the pity party and start planning the next couple of years.  I have a Heavenly Father who loves me so much, and cares for me in ways I don't always see.  I have suffered with severe depression and anxiety for decades.  I had to work to support myself and my children so I had to deal with those mental illness issues as best I could and squish a lot of those hurts, and stresses, and fears, and everything else painful about life and being mentally ill as far deep inside my soul as I could.  Well, that is not the best way to handle it because eventually all of that has to spew to the top and on April 22nd that is what happened. My Heavenly Father, who sees the beginning from the end, helped me hold on.  My antidepressants stopped working I don't know when but between October and April quite a few really major, devestating things happened in our family and I had more stress than I could squish in that hiding place. Money, or the lack of it, has always been a major stress, My meds weren't working and my brain chemicals became messed up and hard things were happening to me way too often.  Between January and April the suicidal thoughts just bombarded me every day until I was scared of myself. But Heavenly Father helped me hold on until I was close enough to be eligible to retire so that when the dam broke and all those things just drove me into a mental meltdown I had enough sick leave and annual leave to hold me over while I had to be in the hospital and then at home trying to heal.  If I had had this meltdown in January I would have had to go months without income. He helped me hold on until I had a safe place to fall.  I don't have a lot of retirement money but with the help of a wonderful woman at city hall, my therapist and my son we figured out a way for me to be taken care of long enough for me to get well enough to work & supplement my retirement check, or get Social Security Disability, whichever the Lord has planned for me.   I am going to continue to rest as much as possible and pray that this latest drug combo is the one that will let me be a functional person.  I am going to take classes at AC and learn to do something totally different than working at the library so that I will be able to work at least part time some day.  For 18 months I am not going to even think about getting a job, and while I will need to be more frugal than ever, for the first time in my life I won't have to worry how the electric bill is going to be paid.  I am going to concentrate on getting me healed and starting a new life. I am going to enjoy the company of my children and grandchildren as often as they will let me.  I am going to play cards or board games as often as possible.  I am going to work in my yard and make it as pretty as I can on a limited budget.  I am going to sit on my lawn swing in the garden and just be. And I am fortunate to have had the career I did, and I am fortunate that I can have this time to take care of me.  For years I have told my kids in times of trial "you never know what is just around the corner, and most of the time it isn't bad."   I am going to take care of me first instead of last, and I am going to be OK.

Let me check your breath

Post # 26       I bought the dog babies a 10 lb box of dog biscuits...my dogs know them as "cookies."  No where on that box did I see "the perfect size for Great Danes and Bull Mastiffs, or a new treat for your miniature horse." And, yes that dog bone really is nearly the same size as Gracie's head.  In this pic I think Zoe ran up to check Gracie's breath to make sure she hadn't gotten a cookie before she got the cookie in my hand too.  Zoe has to watch that sneaky, street smart, dog pound girl Gracie about things like that. 

Be Careful What You Wish For

Post # 25
After Trey, my therapist and I met with the lady at city hall who was explaining my retirement options I came home and just bawled from the stress of the entire day and for the sure death of my job and because I have only been on the current combo of anti-depressants/anti-anxiety pills for one week and crying is just what I do. My kids and grandkids had already been invited to dinner for my favorite meal--beans and cornbread--and my oldest son took me to Wal-Mart for an impromptu "retirement party" cake.  Whenever a storytime child would tell me what they wanted to be when they grew up I always told them I wanted to be retired when I grew up.  Well, here I am.  Who knew I would only be 56 when the day came.  But, on the plus side, for the first time in 2 months I actually got out of my pj's/comfy clothes and put on "real" clothes, and jewelry, and lipstick. 

the end

Post # 24
I emailed my letter of resignation in.  After much thought, debating and prayer I have realized this is the time.  The best solution.  A painful one. The door has been shut and locked.  Admin will have this in their mailboxes Wednesday morning, June 16th, 2010 

Donna, Either my computer is messing up or it is the tears falling on the keyboard but I think you have received about 3 copies of this with only pieces of the message....so, one more time...

Donna,
It is with utmost regret that I must retire effective June 30, 2010.   The City, the Library, library administration and my supervisors have been absolutely wonderful to me during my 20 years with the library and I will be eternally grateful for the opportunity I had to work here.  I received my first library card in New Mexico when I was six and from that time on I have never wanted to work any where else.
Thank you for allowing me to live my dream.  Actually the opportunities I had with the library far exceeded anything I could have imagined.

Thank you,

A New Baby!

Post # 23
I saw the sonogram photos this weekend of my newest grandchild.  

Tiny little thing he or she is and I loved him from the second I saw two little fists rubbing his eyes and in the next photo sucking his thumb.   

I will call him a 'he' untill we know different.   

Either one will be a blessing that I can hardly wait to rock and cuddle and smell.

God will send him to us some time between Thanksgiving and Christmas

World's Most Spoiled Dog

Post # 22
I never eat a meal at my table...I eat in my big comfy chair in front of the tv, whether it is on or off.  One day Max wasn't feeling well and I was trying to get him to eat so I brought his food to him where he spends most of the day....sitting on the arm of the couch  in front of the window guarding the back yard ... well, Max really liked that.   I am sure he is thinking 'finally I am getting the staff trained at this place." And Max is worth it because he is also the world's best dog. 

comfort food

Post # 21
Two of my most favoritist comfort foods...tomatoes and macaroni and sauteed onions

and Casey's pasta salad.....she makes it with a pkg of ranch dressing mix, miracle whip, carrots, crispy bacon, tomatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, cheese
YUMMMMY!

And an unopened bag of shoestrings...

Post # 20    click below to read the story.....
Long Beach woman who lived frugal lifestyle leaves behind $4.5M

I'll miss ya Ronald

                                                                     Post # 19

No more stopping at MickeyD's for a $1.08 coke.  Caffeine makes anxiety worse...hhmmm...and in the midst of anxiety attack I would practically kill for a coke or Dr Pepper.  Besides those $1.08's add up and I am going to have to start living frugal frugal frugal.   

Something is eating my garden

Post # 18

and it isn't me...or the dogs.  Some little plants are gone completely; cauliflower leaves look like swiss cheese, i have a pepper that is nothin' but a stalk.  Tomatoes are doing great tho.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Post # 17
Banned from the garden again. :(  Mom was sitting on her swing in the garden with the gate shut and us on the other side.  Knowing what a pushover my mommy is I laid down as close as i could to the fence next to where she was, whined and gave her my best I love you mommy sad puppy looks.  Then it happened!  Mommy opened the gate and let us in.  I gave her kisses but you won't believe what Gracie did.  Zoe

All I did was run in the garden, yap at momma, race around the garden boxes and see a red ball on those ball growing plants momma put in those boxes. Well, of course I grabbed that ball and took off with it so Zoe would chase me.  Who woulda thought momma would jump up and yell "Gracie! bad girl!" at me? !! In the house she is always saying come on girls, let's play ball!  Gracie 

I know mommy told everyone i grabbed the green ball off the ball growing plant last week but obviously it was Gracie.  Mommy owes me a hug and a dog cookie.  Zoe

where does depression hurt, everywhere; or welcome to the pity party

Post # 16
So, how's this extended vacation working for me?
  my depression has just plummeted this week. This is day 44 since i went to hospital because the constant suicidal thoughts scared me so bad.  At the hospital the Dr reduced one of my antidepressants by 1/3, and totally took me off the 2nd antidepressant I'd been taking for years, and added a drug for anxiety. Since I was admitted  for suicidal thoughts why would they reduce my antidepressants? I haven't been able to function without antidepressants in a dozen years. I'm glad he added that prescription for anxiety, but ...hello, I am in the deep depression hell hole again, why wouldn't they up my antidepressants rather than reduce them?  When you are depressed it is hard to "think" so it's taken me this long to realize I feel this bad today because the Dr I am paying approximately $150 a minute does not have me on enough antidepressants. I am trying to feel better.  Hauling 40# bags of manure around and building garden boxes has been exercise.  I rack my brain all day to try to find a pleasant thought to put on my blog (good positive thinking therapy), I sit in my chair most of the day holding a dog (security blanket) when i feel like crying and can't get the energy/interest/umphf to do anything else, I'm getting that sleep that is suppose to help (Dr N said nothing was going to work if i first didn't start sleeping more than 3-4 hrs a night), i know this is NOT helping but if i am awake i am worrying (wondering when will this depression, anxiety, panicky, feeling of doom ever go away, what am i going to do with the stack of medical & other bills, will i ever be functional enough to go back to work, how will i support myself if i can't, why can't i make myself read a book or cook a meal....things i love to do but haven't since March.   i can work outside for an hour or two when i wake up in the mornings, then the heat just zaps me and i come in and sleep (side effect of the next scheduled pill), get on the computer and read email if it is really a note from someone (even the briefest note from my friends makes me feel better) but if subject line is something like "this is true--pass it on" i just delete those... i don't have the energy or interest in "junk mail", for a few minutes i read the square foot gardening site forum---see what my online gardening friends know about bugs eating their plants, best method for getting rid of slugs (i don't have slugs but ya never know), i try to figure out life plan A (which needs to be to go back to work Mon the 20th because my a/l will have run out), kinda think that isn't likely to happen so then try to come up with plan b, c and d for what if i can't return to work. still can't get my mind to concentration enough to read a book or magazine except that one Kate +8 book, I watch one tv show a week, the Mentalist, otherwise put on one of my favorite dvds just for background noise if i need to. The other day i had a spurt of energy and i cleaned the utility room from top to bottom...it needed it...and that felt good to accomplish something, and i have been keeping the little bathroom clean the past two weeks (those are the two smallest rooms so i picked them to tackle first), look at the rest of this house that needs a major cleaning and i just can't handle it, get too overwhelmed just thinking about where to start so i don't.  oh, i did clean out the freezer the other day, i just have to pick small jobs and try to get thru them so i don't get overwhelmed and end up not doing anything. By 7 or 8 pm it is usually cool enough for me to get back outside and putter in my garden or just sit on the swing til it is too dark, or more likely the mosquito spray has quit working and then i come in and take the next pill which will most likely put me right to sleep. I'm working on that "venture out into the real world at least once a day thing" but I haven't actually done that since seeing the psych and then the therapist on Wed. On that day i also went to visit friends at a library and couldn't keep from crying, called a friend that i hadn't talked to in a while and couldn't keep from crying...then hung up and bawled for an hour or two, talked to another friend late that night and vented, then cried when i got off the phone, then early the next morning talked to a friend from high school that i recently reconnected with--- didn't cry on the phone but not only cried when i hung up but went to sleep because it is so exhausting to try to talk on the phone, be "happy", and try to hear well enough to follow a conversation.  was also the same day Dr/hosp bills arrived.  things have gone down hill since then.  Think i shall go listen to "Ooh child things are gonna get brighter" one more time, and hope you are having a better day than me. 

what i did the first hour i was up today

Post #15
Put on my favorite shoes....crocs with tiny ladybug jibbitz...perfect for gardening because you can just hose them off..... and then I went out to check the garden.

  .............................................................. 

           

Checked on the black knight butterfly bush...this is it's 1st bloom.

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 I have these little blue flowers here and there...I didn't mow them.  They are some kind of weed since they are in all the vacant lots around me but it's blue, and it's a flower to me so the few in my yard get to stay...unless you email me that it is something  like poison ivy.

............................................................

Got out the lawn mower...an electric mower that is just the greatest cheap little mower, one of my smarter purchases, and mowed 1/2 the back yard.  Casey was watering the other 1/2 and putting down grub killer.

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New green beans coming up! and tomatoes are doing well.

ooh child things are gonna get easier, ooh child things are gonna get brighter

post # 14

  fell in the depression hell hole the past few days

thought about this song to make it thru the day

                                                                    hear the original group to record it at the youtube below

The Five Stairsteps performing "O-o-h Child" on Soul Train

Post # 14
I had a link to the Five Stairsteps singing Oh Child, the first ones to record it, but it just went away so google Oh Child Five Stairsteps to hear it

Coffee Break

Post # 13
These dogs!  My son, Trey works for Starbucks and frequently brings home a plastic bag full of coffee grounds......they are good for your plants.  I was putting the grounds around bedding plants I had just planted in the garden when I turned around to see the dogs eating the coffee grounds! What is up with that?!

Happy Birthday, Dear Zoe

Post # 12   The kids looking for mama when they hear my car coming  ... and the 1st thing I always see when I turn in my driveway...Max Schnauzer is 9, Gracie Schnauzer, we don't know how old she is, maybe 18 months, we adopted her from the pound in Dec'09, and Zoe Marley Schneagle is 11 months old today!

Rubber Ducky, You're The One!

Post # 11
OK, so this isn't a "rubber" ducky, but still, everybody should have their own something to cuddle up to!

moss rose is blooming

Post # 10

IWe just love this plant sculpture!  Looks better with the moss rose blooming and was just sooo easy to make. 

I Love a Sale!! and a PLANT sale?! Nothin' better!

Post # 9

Lenise! YOU rock!  Thank you! She let me know that Market Street United (a Tx grocery store chain for those of you not from here) had put some plants on sale for 50 CENTS!!!  my daughter and I rushed across town to the store.  We were almost too late but we got one basketful!  3 rose bushes...yes, rose bushes ! 50cents! The one in the  above left photo has pink buds, the one on the right has a big white rose on the top...kinda hard to see.  6 mandevillas (pictured in this crate)and a $12.99 dahlia! 50 cents! I was so happy...i love plants, i love sales, and plants on sale that don't even look dead?!?!? woohoo!

Memorial Day

Post # 8